It's come to my attention that certain things will never, ever happen in the realm of metal. The following events will trigger a physical paradox that will consume the universe just like the Large Hadron Collider did last autumn:
1. Frank Mullen and Peter Dolving will stop using their bands to bitch about their divorce issues.
2. Fans of Chris Barnes and Dimitri Minakakis shutting up and realizing that both Dillinger and Cannibal will never bring them back into the band.
3. Fans of Chris Barnes and Dimitri Minakakis actually being right about them being better than Corpsegrinder and Greg Puciato.
4. Exodus gets a vocalist who doesn't utterly suck.
5. OMGZ! New At Teh Gatez sudio album!!!!!1!!!!1!!!1!!!one!
6. White Zombie Reunion is both real and doesn't have it's info added to Wikipedia from an April Fool's Joke that I posted in Metal-Archives.com
7. Underoath returns to making quality music.
8. KoRn plays a song that uses more than the first four frets on the guitar.
9. Primordial release a bad album.
10. Rob Darken goes to Harlem.
If any of these things happen, then I'm going to a pet shop to buy a flying pig.
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Rob Darken goes to Harlem. That was great.
ReplyDeleteBut when did Underoath ever make quality music? (Yes, I know about "Cries of the Past", etc.)
ReplyDelete#8 was my favorite, personally. I'm digging this blog, keep it up, man!