Blabbermouth is proof that if you ban racist, sexist and homophobic comments then people will find new ways to be assholes. Given that half of the posters on that site are either trolls or the kind of guys who only like the first demo by the most obscure Ugandan black metal bands, who, by the way, have all broken up by now lest they commit the sins of selling out by making a second demo or (gasp) come from an industrialized nation.
Given that only those types of people exist on Blabbermouth, it's time that there should be the definitive guide to trolling that site since you apparently seem to gain credibility there by doing so unlike every single other website in existence. Here are 21 steps to become a better blabbertroll.
1. Tell them that a certain member of the band being discusses was replaced by a session musician in the studio and that they use a DAT machine live.
2. State flat out that thrash has always sucked and that only death and black metal are good
3. Complain that the current story isn't yet another redundant post about Kiss.
4. State that Varg Vikernes is an ideological ally but that Burzum sucks without being overtly racist in your language to avoid being modded.
5. Say that Lars is the coolest member of Metallica
6. Post about how the third and fourth Machine Head albums were their best.
7. Post about how Papa Roach started off as extremely metal and are now the most metal band in existence
8. Give a vague reason for disliking Suffocation or God Forbid while also praising Satanic Warmaster and Graveland in equally vague language.
9. Mention how Killswitch Engage made metalcore a much better genre.
10. Write about how the new In Flames albums are far better than the first five.
11. Call Anaal Nathrakh directionless noise or call Sunn O))) boring.
12. Downplay Randy Rhodes' and Chuck Schuldiner's influence and guitar skills.
13. Call Glen Benton a hero and mention how you totally take him seriously in some capacity or another.
14. Turn a Behemoth thread into an old vs. new fight
15. Talk about how disappointed you are that Orphaned Land is making a new album since you just got around to using them in what were once your Guns and Roses Jokes.
16. Create a rumor that Vorph or Kerry King is now a born-again Christian
17. Call Devin Townsend or Primordial emotionless hacks
18. Lie that you learned that a member of a certain band is a convicted rapist
19. Make a statement about metal dying in 1993
20. Make the entirety of your post a the above poster's name as the title and then link to a sage image like so: http://ownedirl.com/magic/sage.jpg
21. Call Blabbermouth a haven for obnoxious trolls that go completely unpunished.
I would do most of the above but those cocksuckers at Blabbermouth fucked up my registration to post. I registered. My login wouldn't work. I tried to re register and it tells me the e-mail address is already taken. I send e-mails asking to please fix. No response and to this day still can't post. Which sucks because so many articles go through that I want to jump into the middle of.Fuck Blabbermouth(well their web admins).
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