Two of the members of brokeNCYDE are balding since they try to look like they're fifteen despite being more in the 22-24 range. Yes people, this is what happens to scene "kids" once they reach adulthood. Most people who were scene in high school give up the "lifestyle" upon maturing, women's haircuts and all making brokeNCYDE a prime exhibit in schadenfreude. Well, they already were, they're just more so now.
And judging by the fan pics on thier Myspace, their core audience is fourteen-year-old girls, making brokeNCYDE's fashion sense the mark of the obvious pedophile. Think about it, a bunch of guys with lyrics like, "Oh baby girl I see your photos on myspace. You look so beautiful. So what I gotta do to take you to my place so you can be my booty girl." playing to a bunch of underage girls while pretty much openly stating that they started the band to get laid and dressing like the guys that your teenage daughter likes. Seriously, brokeNCYDE are like that creepy hermit neighbor with the beard that your parents didn't want you talking to and one day was escorted along with his computer into an FBI van.
I could get into how their music also sucks, but odds are that if you aren't a fourteen-year-old girl then you're probably not going to listen to them and your life will be better off for it, but in case you're wondering, they're what happens when you take crunk rap and add screamo and occasional death metal elements to it. Their lack of talent best exemplified by the fact that they have three vocalists, only one of which sings and that's with autotune effects, the other guy both raps and screams, then they also have their DJ do the grunts. In other words, these guys all collectively sound like one mildly talented individual. Correction, one mildy talented individual, a light and smoke machine technician who somehow counts as an actual member and not a roadie and a mascot in a pig suit that was probably stolen form their old high school's football team.
All of their lyrics are about using drugs and alcohol to get women intoxicated so that they're easy to take advantage of combined with lines like, "You make my peepee hard." Now I enjoy bands with songs like Fucked with a Knife and Skin her Alive. The difference being that if members of Cannibal Corpse and Dismember actually did what they sang about, they would quickly be put in prison and the lyrics come directly from horror movies whereas brokeNCYDE have a real sincerity to their lyrics that combined with the fact that date rape is a far more difficult crime to prove as well as much more widespread than mutilating your ex, makes them that much more creepy than any gore-drenched death metal band could ever hope to be. Or if you're one of those people who thinks that black metal started to suck when bands stopped burning churches, know that the brokeNCYDE is currently slipping underage girls roofies today, as in right now! With real roofies!
And the members of the band can't seem to take a hint that they suck and the way that they conduct themselves in interviews makes me think that they are easily perpetually stoned or suffering from minor mental retardation. The reality is probably a combination of both.
See what I mean?
Now if you truly want to subject yourself to this, I'll give it to you, but don't say that I didn't warn you. In the meantime, I'm ging to hammer a screwdriver into my scrotum. That will probably be more fun.
No comments:
Post a Comment