Gold Cobra

Limp Bizkit have a new album named after Fred Durst's tiny dick.

And just when I was hoping that 2010 would kick ass...

Hypocrisy Cancel Tour

And I really wanted to go to this.

Hypocrisy haven't been to North America in years and it sucks to see them skip us due to the United States government changing it's rules reagarding Swedish visas (also happened to Marduk. Thankfully, I've already seen my share of Swedish metal bands with only Hypocrisy, Dismember, Meshuggah and Opeth being the Swedish bands that I'm a fan of that I haven't seen yet).

Oh, and I'm having to choose between Arch Enemy, Devin Townsend and Behemoth. Given DT's lack of stage time (he's prolific enough to need a much longet set) and the fact that I've already seen Arch Enemy, I'm probably going to go with Behemoth.

Oh, and it sucks to be Epica since Megadeth and Slayer are touring together at the same time. As much as I like Epica, Megadeth rule live and Slayer is Slayer. There is no contest.

LOL, Varg

He's calling his album, "The White God."

Oh, and on his website he's claiming, "It is not intended for play the "low-brow metal" style, but instead I imagine a listener willing to sit down, ideally in solitude, and think for a minute, about the White God and our forebears, whether they were Picto-British, Finnish, Gallic, Greek, Roman, Scandinavian, Scytho-Slavic, Daco-Thrakian or whatever, and about their magnificent, intelligent, positive, beautiful, healthy and strong culture."

The translation of that statement is, "I like money and I'll pretend to like people from outside of Norway if it helps me sell records."

Mastodon to Film Concert in Chicago for upcoming DVD

And you know who's going to be there...

Vader - Necropolis

Medusa is so horny

You know those times when a band has been around for a long time and they've found their niche? When you just know exactly what to expect and don't get disappointed? This is one of those times.

Necropolis breaks absolutely no new ground for Vader aside from being a solid deathrash album. If you've heard Vader. then you've already heard this. It doesn't make it bad, it just means that it sounds like Vader and your entire appreciation of this record will be dependent on how much you liked past releases. If you like Vader (which I do) then you'll like this. If you don't (in which case, you need your ears checked) then you won't.

This is by no means a bad album, it just didn't rock my world nor does it have any really awesome moments aside from We Are the Horde. But those who love all things Vader will completely worship this.

7/10

Conquering the blogging world

Prepare for Ultimate Poser Blog's new Soviet offensive.


Soon the blogging world will be mine, all mine! MWAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!! YES!!!!!!! I've been appointed as the admin for Spinelanguage and will be the primary contributor until mid December. You fools will bow before my power. This blogging world is mine, all mine.

Album reviews and assorted nonsense will still be posted here but any news stories will be published on Spinelanguage since they are both now MINE!!!!!!!!!!!!!! If you have the time, check both out.

RIP Mike Alexander

The bassist of Evile is now dead. his was a band that I actually listened to. Granted they weren't the most original band but they were a solid thrash group. He will be dearly missed.

Candria Guitarist Dies

The original Candria guitarist passed away recently. I never bothered to listen to them so I can't really write a sincere eulogy. Was this guy any good?

Interview with Katherine Katz of Agoraphobic Nosebleed and Salome

And yes, she really is 5'1.

1. What was it like to join such a legendary band (by grindcore standards) as Agoraphobic Nosebleed?

Incredible. I feel very fortunate to be working with them. Not only are they talented, but they’re awesome people.

2. Agorapocalypse is the first Agoraphobic Nosebleed album to really feel like a complete and developed album. Was your influence the catalyst?

Scott wanted a shift in direction, not only with the music, but the overall attitude of the band. I wasn’t the catalyst, I just added to the change.

3. Is Agorapocalypse an indication of the direction that Agoraphobic Nosebleed is going to take in the future?

I guess, we'll see. Scott writes whatever he wants to write and loves to experiment with different ideas/styles. I don't think the band has ever been about fulfilling expectations

4. Looking at the promo pics for Agorapocalypse, you're a lot shorter than I thought that you would be. What's it like being this little blonde chick in two bands with a bunch of big macho metal guys?

Boys have penises and girls have vaginas.

5. Has your presence in Agoraphobic Nosebleed helped Salome gain more attention from fans and possibly record labels?

It has been helpful, but I think Salome has put in a lot of hard work for the opportunities we've achieved and has been focused on building on our own successes.

6. One thing that I'm surprised about Salome is that you have such a heavy guitar tone but no bassist. What's your secret?

Amps.

7. What do you think is next for metal in the coming decade?

More doom? Yes, please.

Austrian Death Machine - Double Brutal

I was asked by a very close friend to review this in the most serious manner possible. Thankfully, I can't take anything seriously so I'll make this the most entertaining review yet. Why Danny? Because YOU NEED TO CHILL OUT!

I loved Total Brutal. Yes, it was indeed gimmicky, but it was a solid modern thrash record with some great guest soloists. Double Brutal doesn't change much but this is a band that relies on spontaneous songwriting and therefore needs to be ONE UGLY MOTHERFUCKER! Double brutal is many things, it's thrashy, it's heavy, IT'S A FERRET, and it connects with my inner film buff.

The premise may not be as fresh as it was two years ago and the cover songs lack the punch that they were intended to have, but Double Brutal still packs a punch. But in an autumn this crowded with quality releases, a silly, fun thrash album like this doesn't leave much of an impact. If it came out only a few months earlier, then it would come highly recommended, but I simply can't give this album the high score that it tries to achieve when there are so many better albums being released right now. Hasta la Vista Baby

7/10

Evile - Infected Nations

Captain Keyes? Is that you?


What hasn't already been said about Evile. They're a thrash bnad. They're not all that original but they still put out some very good material. If you like thrash metal then you'll probably like this but it won't blow your mind. Review done.

8/10

OMFG! PURE FUCKING AWEOME!

I've loved ninjas since I was a kid. And that is why ninja metal is automatically going to get a thumbs up from me. Ninja Magic is pretty much the band for me. Yes it is AC/DC worship, including the solo style but they have a ninja aesthetic so that completely makes up for any lack of originality.

And they dress up as ninjas live! Sadly, this band will never your outside of Sweden, but if they ever came to Chicago, I'd be first in line to get tickets. Ninja metal should be the next damn trend for the next decade. It's official, ninja metal will be huge. If you are in a ninja themed band, please provide a link to me so I can promote you.

If you don't listen to this, then ninjas will chop off your fucking head while you sleep!!!!

Unleashed's Bus Catches on Fire

Swedish viking death metallers Unleashed have had their bus catch on fire in Milan. None of the band members were harmed but the band were forced to cancel their Italian tour dates as a result.

The lesson learned is the in addition to drinking and driving, you can't smoke and drive without your bus setting on fire. Vehicles should be labeled "no fun zones" from this point forward.

Sonata Arctica - The Days of Grays

If the clouds weren't shaped like skulls, I'd consider moving to this place.



When it comes to flower metal, Sonata Arctica is one of the few bands that I can tolerate. Maybe that's because I'm a chaotic good half-elf ranger* who loves fantasy lyrics, maybe it's because they're coming out with a video game. But Sonata Arctica is the shit. Yes, they do have all of the markings of a shitty band but through some blessings of a chaotic neutral trickster god, they don't suck at all.

Yes, it is cheesier than a DiGiorno Pizza, but there is a sense of questing through dungeons and drinking with dwarfs in taverns that makes Sonata Arctica stand out. That's why even somebody who's into progressive and technical metal can find an appreciation for what Sonata Arctica does.

While The Days of Grays is certainly better than Unia, it's more of a return to form than anything else. But when you kick as much ass as Sonata Arctica, how can you complain?

8/10


*IRL. What is the D&D you speak of?

Insomnium - Across the Dark

Deep inside, you know that this pic is going to be used for a Japanese horror flick



How did I ignore this band for so long? This shit fucking rocks. I probably won't write the greatest review for this since I'm not familiar enough with their back catalog, but this is some quality melodeath that doesn't try anything really new but succeeds at refining much of what the genre did in the past.

It reminds me a lot of Sentenced's Amok and Dark Tranquillity's The Mind's I. I didn't think that any bands were keeping this style of melodeath alive today. Granted, I don't know what Insomnium did in the past so I can't judge this all that accurately, but damn, I fucking love this album.

9/10

New Samael Video Posted

Finally, Above - one of the most difficult and challenging but still musically straightforward records of the year - gets its own video.

SAMAEL - Black Hole


If you haven't heard Above yet, then you really need to give it a listen. It's one of the best albums of the year.

Scary Thought That I Had

Between the low grows and autotune effects, Attack Attack could theoretically cover Chant for Eschaton 2000. Apologies for giving you nightmares.

Arch Enemy - The Root of All Evil

How did this go wrong? This was supposed to be an improvement with the same songs from the first three albums but without Johan Liiva fucking them up. This has the worst mix that I've heard since Death Magnetic. The guitar tone is way too clean for Arch Enemy and the drums are way louder than everything else.

Fredrick Nordstrom should have been in the mixing room instead of Andy Sneap. All of the power of previous albums has been stripped away. But hey, at least I can hear the bass, except its too muddy to for me to tell what notes are being played which is in contrast to the uber clarity of everything else. The only thing keeping me from flying to the UK and punching Andy Sneap in the face is the fact that I'm still a Sabbat fan.

Granted, this isn't the band's fault. It's completely the fault of the mixer. The guitar tone doesn't even sound natural. It has a thick layer of gloss over it that takes away from the crunch that Arch Enemy needs. It's overproduction at its finest to the point where I'd rather listen to these songs with Johan. It's just maddening that an album with such potential is ruined by a record producer. It's now time for me to break out a certain article by Jack Endino who produced the last High on Fire record: http://www.endino.com/archive/arch4-0.html

And even though I said that I would never punch Andy Sneap in the face, that says nothing about you. If you live in the UK and you see this man, please punch him for me. Thanks.



4/10

Edit: I just learned that Unearth's The March was also mixed by Andy Sneap, who apparently also fucked their guitar tone. Seriously, for any UK readers, you live in Europe. Do what Europeans do best and descend upon this guy's house as a pitchfork wielding mob.

Winds of Plague Annouce California Love Tour

http://www.roadrunnerrecords.com/blabbermouth.net/news.aspx?mode=Article&newsitemID=127624

Problem. Hypocrisy and Blackguard are playing the same night. I'll have to weigh the pros and cons here. I'm not a fan of Ensiferum and their headlining the Hypocrisy/Blackguard tour. Winds of Plague have some REALLY shitty support acts. Winds of Plague have some really great T-shirts. Hypocrisy probably won't be back for another three years. Winds of Plague are cheaper. Hypocrisy is closer. Winds of Plague are playing at a smaller venue so I will probably land an interview. Winds of Plague are also playing at at venue at the border of Orland Park and Tinley Park while Hypocrisy are downtown.

Decisions, decisions. (I'll probably go with Hypocrisy)

Marduk - Wormwood

You think this is scary?




This was the original cover



Those fearing (or in some cases hoping) that the newfound maturity of ROM 5:12 would be abandoned on subsequent releases will have spent their time worrying over nothing. The norsecore days of old are gone. Not that they weren't enjoyable, but I personally really love the new grown up Marduk.

The real difference between the two eras are that the old Marduk is kind of like that girl that you liked back in middle school. Sure it's a nice memory but would you really have her back then or bang her now that she's grown up, sexually experienced and has a great rack? Just like there's no comparison between doing it with your old middle school crush in sixth grade when she was experimenting and banging her now that she's your girlfriend, there is no way that anyone could say that Panzer Division Marduk is better than the more mature and experienced Wormwood. This album has a great rack.

There are still plenty of fast blasting parts, but Wormwood is more than just another Marduk blastathon. It's about subtlety and discretion which makes the fast parts just seem that much faster. Mortuus is truly the best thing that ever happened to Marduk since he was able to turn them into a real three-dimensional band. What began on ROM 5:12 is continued here and if you liked what they did back in 2007, then its safe to say that you'll like Wormwood. Then again, if you didn't like their last album, then I'd have to wonder why exactly you're listening to black metal in the first place.

And lets not forget the atmosphere. There is so much evil coming out of this album, even the faster tracks like Into Utter Madness and Nowhere, No-One, Nothing have a sinister vibe to them that the Marduk of old was unable to articulate. This album is high-octane nightmare fuel of the highest quality and I find it genuinely uncomfortable to listen to (in a good way). If you're going to listen to one Scandinavian black metal album this year, then Wormwood is exactly what you need.

9/10

New Epica Video Online

If I could be tormented by any stalker, Simone Simons is pretty high on the list. The glowing eyes only make her that much hotter.

Vote for the next Megadeth Single!

Go to the official forums on Megadeth.com and VOTE NOW for the next single. Poll closes Monday

Immortal - All Shall Fall

This album is nearly impossible to review. The expectations were simply to high for me to praise it given that its been seven years since their last album combined with the sheer amount of awesome that their previous discography has. No matter what they came up with, this album was going to suck. On the other hand, its Immortal, it's produced by Peter Tagtgren, and this is still one of the most anticipated albums of the year. No matter what they came up with, this album was going to rule.

So here we have All Shall Fall. It takes a long time to sink in simply because albums like albums like Diabolical Fullmoon Mysticism and At the Heart of Winter are so legendary. So while it'll forever be kept in the shadow of past works, this is still a keeper.

So yes, it's still Immortal and by that I mean it still sounds like Immortal. That's still a good thing since Immortal's sound is hardly dated. But it's also safe. There are so many fewer risks taken on here than there were on a album like Pure Holocaust or Blizzard Beasts and I can't help but feel that Immortal were intentionally playing it safe to avoid alienating their fans. While I'm personally not alienated by this in any way and I'm certain to enjoy the new material in a live setting, it's still somewhat upsetting to hear that they didn't provide much experimentation.

Don't get me wrong. It's still worth buying and definitely grows on you with a few listens. It just isn't the groundbreaking and career defining moment that everyone expected it to be. If a band who wasn't Immortal made the same album, I'd probably rank them higher than I'm doing here. I knew going in that I was going to be let down no matter what but I was still surprised at how good this album is. Is it one of the best albums of the year? No but it is certainly a sold release from one of the greatest black metal bands of all time.

7/10

Susperia finally release new video

I'll take it as Athera is finally fully recovered. And the actual video is quite cool. Wait for the end.

Five Finger Death Punch - War is the Answer

The new Immortal is taking way longer to sink in than I thought. It's totally a grower. So that means that I'll keep myself occupied by writing a review of the new Five Finger Death Punch album since I need something to keep myself occupied with (which I sadly purchased sine it was released a few days ago). What better than something horrible with which to remind myself that this is still supposed to be a funny blog?

I'll be the first person to state that this is not metal. It's post-grunge that happens to market itself as metal since post-grunge like Creed and Godsmack is no longer commercially viable. Now throw in some minor nu metal influences and you have an album that you heard several other bands make in 1999.

The fact that this is marketed as a combination of groove metal and metalcore is an insult to my intelligence. There are no traces of either. It's a bait and switch scheme that you're falling for if you like them and given this band's success, they're clearly selling albums to actual fans rather than just snarky bloggers making ironic purchases.

You have everything that makes for a shitty album here. Cheesy lyrics about punching people in the face? Check. Dated musical ideas that today's fifteen-year-olds don't remember? Check. Needless profanity to connect with my angsty thirteen-year-old self? Check. Guitar solos to make it seem like this somehow isn't just some 90s radio rock bullshit? Check.

When your singer even uses an outdated singing style that connects him with one of many faceless and forgotten bands from yesteryear, you suck. There is nothing original about this band at all except for trying to not be trendy by following dead trends to pretend that you're something new. Thankfully, I have a better memory than a goldfish.

This band is truly, honestly in it for the money and it's clear that they're the biggest get rich quick scheme in all of metal. I'd rather drink a six pack of Tecate than give this a second listen. At least this CD can be used for skeet shooting.

1/10

Interview with Carmine Laietta V of Hull

One thing that can truly be said about Hull is that they're truly chill guys. I have nothing but respect for this band and wish them the best. Lead guitarist Carmine Laitetta V (I have no fucking idea what the V stands for) was cool enough to do an interview. Thankfully, I'm cool enough to post it.

UPB: What's it like to tour in a band that shares a name with the guitarists of one of your tourmate's non-touring projects?

Carmine: It sucks. But not because of Scott's name, just because ever time I say, "I'm in Hull" the people's response is always, "You're in Hole." And I say... "Yes, dick."

UPB: Now that you're signed to The End, what's the next step careerwise? Are there any bigger tours planned for the near future?

C: Yes, put our next album and make it more massive than out debut, and everything else out there while we're at it.

UPB: I notice your Yob shirt. There's a restaurant west of here on Belmont called Kuma's that has a burger named after them. You plan on checking them out tomorrow morning?

C: Hopefully! Although I did make some plans with a close old friend that we're sleeping with.

UPB: Are you ever planning on sticking a comb in your afro since everyone else today is walking around like that?

C: I own a pick with a fist. Need I say more?

UPB: Stoner metal is finally catching on due to the success of High on Fire and to a lesser extent, Red Fang. Do you feel that you might finally be the band that breaks the genre into the mainstream?

C: I don't count on it. I just try to write the best music I can. Keep challenging myself and the band. Hopefuly we find an appropriate audience. So far, so good though!

UPB: As the decade comes to a close, what do you think will be the next big metal trend for the 2010s?

C: I have no idea... We played with a band of youngsters the other night and they were clearly influenced by garbage like Attack Attack! That seems to be the newest trend now and I wnat nothing to do with it.

UPB: Have you started writing your next album yet?

C: Yes. You'll hear some shit soon.

UPB: What's your most interesting tour story so far?

C: My bass player and I got robbed at gunpoint in Cincinnati this past Sunday. Actually, 3 gunpoints! They took our phones, wallets and my camera that I was documenting the tour with. Sucks but I'm still walking around, breathing, with blood still pumping through my dick. I guess that's what really matters.

UPB: When do you plan to return to Chicago?

C: Very soon. I like this place but after we play tonight, we'll see if Chicago is still standing!

New Arch Enemy track posted

The new version of Bury Me an Angel is now posted online. and yes, it does have that horrible sterile guitar tone. Andy Sneap now joins Greg Fidleman and Andrew Scheps (you know, the guys who ruined Death Magnetic by mixing out the bass and then compressing the fuck out of everything else) when it comes to mixing room guys who need to be punched in the face. It takes a lot for me to say this since I do like Sabbat, but seriously, this production just lacks the teeth of other Arch Enemy albums.

And if you live in Asia or Australia, they are planning a tour for the Far East (with a Belgium date thrown into the Asia dates for some reason).

Oct 9 2009 8:00P	DK Gorbunova, Moscow (Russia)	Moscow
Oct 10 2009 8:00P	Mass Deathtruction Festival @ Ferme du Biéreau	Louvain-la-Neuve
Oct 17 2009 8:00P	LOUD PARK 09 @ Makuhari Messe, Tokyo (Japan)	Tokyo, Chiba
Oct 18 2009 8:00P	Liberty Square - Taipei (Taiwan)	Taipei
Oct 20 2009 8:00P	World Trade Center - Manila (Philippines)	Manila
Oct 21 2009 8:00P	Hitec Auditorium - Kowloon (Hong Kong)	Kowloon (Hong Kong)
Oct 23 2009 8:00P	The Star Live House - Beijing (China)	Beijing (China)
Oct 25 2009 8:00P	Seoul Ax, Seoul (Republic Of Korea)	Seoul
Oct 28 2009 8:00P	Senayan Tennis Indoor Stadium, Jakarta (indonesia)	Jakarta
Nov 1 2009 8:00P	Capitol, Perth (Australia)	Perth
Nov 3 2009 8:00P	Fowlers Live, Adelaide (Australia)	Adelaide
Nov 5 2009 8:00P	The Forum, Melbourne (Australia)	Melbourne
Nov 6 2009 8:00P	The Roundhouse, Sydney (Australia)	Sydney
Nov 7 2009 8:00P	The Hifi, Brisbane (Australia)	Brisbane
Nov 10 2009 8:00P	Transmission Room – Auckland (New Zealand)	Auckland

What surprises me is that they aren't doing any dates for Osaka or Sapporo. Loud Park is a big festival but by all accounts, this band is huge in Japan. What's even more shocking is that there are only two Chinese dates (Hong Kong and Beijing) when it's a country of over one billion. I'd think that they'd at least throw Shanghai or Macau in there for the Chinese market. And then they skip over Thailand completely. But at least they won't skip Chicago the next time that they come to the North America.

Samael no Longer on Moonspell tour

Sucks if you actually bought tickets for this. They're replaced by Divine Heresy.

Five Finger Death Punch Gut Walrus. Find Zoltan

They found the guy.

Have You Seen This Man?

Zoltan Bathory of Five Finger Death Punch has gone missing. He was last seen drinking with fans in Las Vegas. If you've seen this man, please notify the FBI.

Anyway, Let's talk about what may have happened to this guy.

Theory 1: Spontaneous human Combustion

He was drinking. Alcohol is flammable. It's very possible that his body may have set itself on fire. Of course, if this happened, then all that my be left is his skull. It's scary to think about, I know, but spontaneous combustion could happen to you.

What to do if you spontaneously combust?

Stop, drop and roll

Get in some water

Cryogenically freeze yourself


2. Ninjas

If this man is never found, then its safe to say that the ninjas got him. Ninjas leave no trace of themselves. They're masters of disguise who nobody alive today has claimed to see. The ninja threat is real. They're everywhere and are behind the disappearance of your socks. If they can make one sock out of a pair disappear once you put it in the washer, then abducting a human is no problem for them.


3. Alien Abduction
If this happened, then he's probably very, very far away now. On the plus side, he gets to see some really cool things that we'd never encounter on Earth and if he dies on their planet it'll probably be like this:





4. Eaten by a Walrus



The most likely scenario. The man eating walrus is native to the Las Vegas area and is known to have a taste for human flesh. If he is not found within one week, then it's common practice for the stool of any and all walruses to be inspected for human remains. Hopefully it didn't come to this most agonizing and traumatic death.

Megadeth - Endgame

United Abominations is one of the most important albums of the the current thrash revival. So it's worth saying that Endgame takes Megadeth's comeback even further. This isn't just a good Megadeth album like UA was, it actually sounds like the Megadeth of old. That's right. UA was the appetizer. This is the main course.

It's fast. Chris Broderick is the best guitarist that Megadeth have had since Marty Friedman. It's the best collection of songs since Countdown to Extinction back in 1992. If you're only getting one metal album this month and don't feel like waiting to see how the new Immortal turns out, then you can't go wrong with Endgame. It's even better than the new Black Dahlia Murder, which is no small feat.

It's not even worth getting into how this sounds. If you like Megadeth, or thrash in general, then you'll dig Endgame.

9/10

Municipal Waste - Massive Aggressive

Municipal Waste are an incredibly fun live band. That much is a given. But while they're a fun retreat into 1980s nostalgia (I was born in 1987 so I guess that I can't appreciate the neo thrash movement that much) They seem to lack any real seriousness or substance.

Their lyrics are funny. I'll give them that much but it almost seems as though their nothing more than a gimmick. Whereas the thrash bands of old were experimenting heavily by their fourth album, Municipal Waste seem afraid to leave their comfort zone on Massive Aggressive.

The hooks that are present simply aren't memorable when every song is the same and it's really the same album that they put out three times in the past. If you're older and don't mind hearing a band that reminds you of the early days of Slayer and Metallica, then this might be for you, but for the rest of us, we've all heard Municipal Waste before and they're going to need to provide some changes by their next album if they hope to have any longevity.

6/10

Shadows Fall - Retribution

I've long asked myself why should I listen to Shadows Fall? If I want to listen to thrashcore then why don't I listen to God forbid and the third Unearth album as better options? Then I realize that its because I'm a blogger and Shadows Fall just released a new album. And while there are certainly better options available, Retribution is hardly a bad album.

Brian Fair is still a shitty vocalist. The guitars somewhat make up for him sucking and God Forbid is still better in every way. But hey, if Shadows Fall are your thing, you could still do a lot worse. So yeah, they're overrated as fuck but they're still okay, but not really anything more. This one is for fans only.

6/10

Kittie - In the Black

Don't you just love it when a band grows up with you? When they played the same trendy shit that you listened to as a kid and then as an adult they mature? Yes, they did start out as a nu metal band but by Until the End they developed into a metalcore band and finally evolved into a melodic black metal group with a heavy Rotting Christ influence by Funeral for Yesterday. Sadly other nu metla bands like Slipknot and Otep are still creatively stagnant despite the rest of the scene

In the Black sees Kittie grow heavier after their last album and more death than black, but is still similar enough to the previous album that they should keep the same fans that they won over and continue to alienate the fans that they lost back in 2007. In the Black is mercifully shorter that FFY was but still feels like it runs on for a bit too long. Then there are the pacing issues with a much heavier first half and a more melodic second. Both of these issues negatively affect an otherwise really good album but thankfully not enough for it to not be enjoyable.

And I've realized that female guitarists don't get enough credit. Tara McLeod is fantastic on ItB. She proves that she can hold her own in a world with very few female metal lead guitarists. She may not have the most flashy style but her leads are always tasteful and fit the music perfectly.

ItB is heavy, melodic, and the latest step in Kittie's evolution. They almost had something great here if not for problems that could have been solved in post-production. It's good, but given that this month also has some other big names dropping albums (Megadeth and Immortal being the two most obvious), ItB finds Kittie unfortunately being the leftovers of the metal genre once again.

7/10

The Black Dahlia Murder - Deflorate

Let's clarify things. This band is not deathcore. They're blackened death metal like Goatwhore or Behemoth but with a heavy influence from melodeath. They still riffs from Dimmu Borgir, not Madball. They have some chugging riffs but they never focus on breakdowns. They have never been deathcore, they're just popular with the same crowd. Now shut up.

Anyway, this has a great cover. Let's see: Jawas + Kirspy Kritters + a futuristic city in the background + a fat guy upon a throne with giant man tits that is probably supposed to be frontman Trevor Strnad. Speaking of Trevor, it's still hard to believe that he is the sole vocalist of this band since they've always sounded like they have two.

And new guitarist Ryan Night is the shit. This guy plays some wicked solos, as can be expected from an ex-member of Arsis. He's a significnat step up from John Kempainen's lead playing and that is what elevates this album above Nocturnal (although Miasma still takes the top spot).

If you like blackened death metal or if you are willing to get past the deathcore tag that's been applied to BDM despite it being incredibly inaccurate, then this album comes highly recommended. It may not be as good of a blackened death album as Evangelion, but it certainly entertains.

8/10

New Rammstien Video

Holy shit this is fucking extreme. I'm not even sure if I can provide a link to the URL since it's that pornographic. The song isn't that great but if anyone had an issue with Behemoth's Ov Fire and The Void, then the video for "Pussy" will nuke your brain.

Most Metal Shirt to Not Belong to a Band

I Need This. So does anybody want my Paypal account? It's for a good cause!

Help Me Dear Odin, I Have A Horrible Song Stuck in my Head

I'm currently dealing with the most horrible song in the world being stuck in my head. No matter what I do, I cna't stop listening. It's every single bad cliche that's currently killing music present within the time span of 3:34... but the autotune and techno parts are just so catchy. I need to fucking die.

In the meantime, allow me to torment you with the horrible song that's stuck in my head and won't let go:

Immortal Special Edition is Even Better than Winds of Plague's

There are three separate options, the one with the T-Shirt, the one with the hoodie, and the one woth the T-Shirt, four buttons, an axe pendant, a poster and digipak packaging for the CD. I bought the Legendary edition of Halo 3, so it's a given which one I want.

Dimmu Issue Studio Update

Dimmu Borgir are already recording their new album. And apparently it features a full orchestra when I expected a return to the Stormblast - SBD sound. As for who'll replace Vortex, Ihsahn and Dave Hunt are the two most obvious choices since neither of them are touring and Dimmu Borgir = money.

New tour coming this winter!

And it's totally worth going to. Cannibal Corpse and Unearth are incredible live bands. I never really got into Hate Eternal. Hatebreed are good but I don't know why this hardcore band (no, they aren't metalcore, no matter how much they say that they are) insists on going on metal tours. And then Born of Osiris is opening so it's okay to get their late since you're only missing a deathcore band.

11/07 - Harpo's - Detroit, MI
11/08 - Bogart's - Cincinnati, OH
11/09 - Recher Theatre - Towson, MD
11/10 - Northern Lights - Clifton Park, NY
11/12 - The National - Richmond, VA
11/13 - Amos' Southend - Charlotte, NC
11/14 - The Club @ Firestone - Orlando, FL
11/15 - State Theatre - St. Petersburg, FL
11/16 - The Masquerade - Atlanta, GA
11/17 - Plush - Jacksonville, FL
11/18 - The Hangar - New Orleans, LA
11/19 - Meridian - Houston, TX
11/20 - Sunset Station - San Antonio, TX
11/21 - The Door - Dallas, TX
11/22 - The Beaumont Club - Kansas City, MO
11/23 - Odgen Theatre - Denver, CO
11/24 - Sunshine Theater - Albuquerque, NM
11/25 - Marquee Theatre - Tempe, AZ
11/27 - The Warfield - San Francisco, CA
11/28 - Hollywood Palladium - Los Angeles, CA
11/29 - Karma - Victorville, CA
12/01 - Roseland Theatre - Portland, OR
12/02 - Commodore Ballroom - Vancouver, BC
12/03 - The King Cat Theatre - Seattle, WA
12/04 - The Knitting Factory - Spokane, WA
12/05 - MacEwan Hall Ballroom - Calgary, AB
12/06 - Edmonton Events Centre - Edmonton, AB
12/07 - Odeon Events Centre - Saskatoon, SK
12/08 - The Garrick Centre - Winnipeg, MB
12/09 - The Rock - Maplewood, MN
12/10 - House of Blues - Chicago, IL
12/11 - Pop's - Sauget, IL
12/12 - The Rave - Milwaukee, WI
12/13 - The Intersection - Grand Rapids, MI
12/14 - The Town Ballroom - Buffalo, NY
12/16 - Sound Academy - Toronto, ON
12/17 - Metropolis - Montreal, QC
12/18 - Nokia Theatre - New York, NY
12/19 - The Palladium - Worcester, MA

I Can't Get This Song Out of My Head

I went to sleep. Had a dream about a toothpick giving me tongue splinters. I then woke up and went to bed a half hour later. I then dreamed about pornographic pictures of my friends ending up online. The only thing taht they both had in common was that this song was playing in both of them:

New Arch Enemy album details posted

http://www.metalunderground.com/news/details.cfm?newsid=47987

I'm a bit let down by the bonus tracks since they're just three live tracks of songs that are already on the album as opposed to a new old studio track like Fields of Desolation or Cosmic Retrobution which I can't believe aren't on the album. I can understand why certain tracks weren't rerecorded. For instance the narrator in Seed of Hate and Tears of the Dead is stated to be male and the song Angelclaw is about a man fantasizing about a woman but if they're going with bonus tracks, why the hell are they excluding the song who's solo they use to close every set?

And after hearing the redone version of Beast of Man on the band's Myspace, what the fuck is up with the guitar tone? This is the first time that the band's guitar tone has sounded so thin and weak when it's usually fucking awesome and I'm hoping that the rest of the album sounds better.

Political Rant Time!

As I was browsing through the last.fm tags for Wolves in the Throne Room, I noticed that there are multiple tags labeling the band as communists, which I personally find ridiculous. These accusations most likely stem from the bands sympathies towards environmentalism and feminism.

Which brings me to my point, is it okay for a black metal band to hold left wing views or is black metal as an ideology closely aligned strongly with the far right?

I'm not alone with this concern since Dark Funeral and Summoning have taken a lot of crap from the underground for their hard line stance against NSBM. Given that those two bands in addition to WitTR bands are more aligned with the left, are they still black metal?

Arcturus may reunite?!?!?!?!?

Read!

I think that I may have just jizzed a little.

And Dimmu are nothing without Hellhammer, Vortex and Mustis. Unless they can get Nagash, Nick Barker and Stian Aarstad back in the band and return to the Stormblast/EDT sound, then Dimmu is officially finished.

But seriously, Arcturus? OMFG! That band NEEDS to get back together.

Anaal Nathrakh make their first real video!

The UK's loudest band* have finally come out with a music video. It's mostly Dave Hunt blindfolded and bearded but hey, this band finally came out with a promo video.






*No, not Spinal Tap, you retards.

Four Great Tours Coming Later This Year

First Children of Bodom are coming later this month with The Black Dahlia Murder and Skeletonwitch which of course, I'm passing on since I've already seen two out of three bands but trust me when I say that CoB and BDM are both fantastic live.



North American Tour II / 2009
* with The Black Dahlia Murder and Skeletonwitch
** support acts TBA
*** with Austrian Death Machine and Holy Grail

September 18 - Lupo's Heartbreak Hotel, Providence, RI **
September 19 - Starland Ballroom, Sayreville, NJ *
September 20 - Northern Lights, Clifton Park, NY *
September 22 - Theatre Capitole, Quebec City, QC *
September 23 - Metropolis, Montreal, QC *
September 25 - Elements Night Club, Kitchener, ON *
September 26 - Sound Academy, Toronto, ON *
September 27 - House of Blues, Chicago, IL *
September 28 - Epic, Minneapolis, MN *
September 30 - The Garrick Centre, Winnipeg, MB *
October 01 - Odeon Events Centre, Saskatoon, SK *
October 02 - MacEwan Hall Ballroom, Calgary, AB *
October 03 - Edmonton Events Centre, Edmonton, AB *
October 05 - Commodore Ballroom, Vancouver, BC *
October 06 - Showbox at the Market, Seattle, WA *
October 07 - Roseland Theatre, Portland, OR *
October 09 - Regency Center @ The Grand, San Francisco, CA *
October 10 - The Glass House, Pomona, CA *
October 11 - The Glass House, Pomona, CA ***
October 12 - Marquee Theatre, Phoenix, AZ *
October 14 - Pipeline Cafe, Honolulu, HI **

Then in November Hypocrisy are finally returning to North America after a strange, possibly UFO-related disappearance. I don't know how they returned and they personally have no memory of the event but it's fucking Hypocrisy in North America which is completely, utterly worth it. And they're touring with Blackguard who seem to have the perfect booking agent since they're getting on all of the right tours.

Nov. 06 - Jaxx - Springfield, VA (w/ SWASHBUCKLE)
Nov. 07 - Crocodile Rock - Allentown, PA (w/ SWASHBUCKLE)
Nov. 08 - Volume 11 - Raleigh, NC
Nov. 09 - The Masquerade - Atlanta, GA
Nov. 10 - Culture Room - Ft. Lauderdale, FL
Nov. 11 - AKA Lounge (part of the Anti*Pop Music Festival) - Orlando, FL
Nov. 13 - Meridian - Houston, TX
Nov. 14 - Emo's - Austin, TX
Nov. 15 - Ridglea Theatre- Dallas/Ft. Worth, TX
Nov. 17 - Galaxy Theatre - Santa Ana, CA
Nov. 18 - Key Club - Los Angeles, CA
Nov. 19 - DNA Lounge - San Francisco, CA
Nov. 20 - Hawthorne Theatre - Portland, OR
Nov. 21 - Studio Seven - Seattle, WA
Nov. 22 - Rickshaw - Vancouver, BC
Nov. 23 - Warehouse - Calgary, AB
Nov. 24 - Starlite - Edmonton, AB
Nov. 26 - The Zoo - Winnipeg, MB
Nov. 27 - The Rock - Minneapolis, MN
Nov. 28 - The Rave - Milwaukee, WI
Nov. 29 - House of Blues - Chicago, IL
Nov. 30 - Peabody's - Cleveland, OH
Dec. 01 - Opera House - Toronto, ON (w/ SWASHBUCKLE)
Dec. 02 - Imperial - Quebec City, QC (w/ SWASHBUCKLE)
Dec. 03 - Medley - Montreal, QC (w/ SWASHBUCKLE)
Dec. 04 - The Palladium - Worcester, MA (w/ SWASHBUCKLE )
Dec. 05 - Irving Plaza - New York, NY (w/ SWASHBUCKLE)

And ending this year in December, Marduk have finally gotten their visas and are touring with Nachtmystium and Mantic Ritual. (I give Nachtmystium five dates before they drop off the tour for whatever reason.) I'll probably go to this since I payed to see Marduk and tickets are only $15, making them even cheaper than The Haunted were earlier this year.


11/20/2009 The Palladium - Worcester, MA w/ Black Anvil
11/21/2009 Les Foufounes Electriques - Montreal, QC w/ Black Anvil
11/22/2009 Wreck Room - Toronto, ON w/ Black Anvil
11/23/2009 Sonar - Baltimore, MD
11/24/2009 The Masquerade - Atlanta, GA
11/25/2009 Brass Mug - Tampa, FL
11/28/2009 Red 7 - Austin, TX
11/29/2009 Ridglea Theater - Ft Worth, TX
11/30/2009 The Marquee - Tulsa, OK
12/02/2009 Launchpad - Albuquerque, NM
12/03/2009 The Sets - Tempe, AZ
12/04/2009 The Key Club - Hollywood, CA
12/05/2009 The Jumping Turtle - San Marcos, CA
12/06/2009 DNA Lounge - San Francisco, CA
12/07/2009 Satyricon - Portland, OR
12/08/2009 Studio Seven - Seattle, WA
12/10/2009 Cervantes Masterpiece Ballroom - Denver, CO
12/11/2009 Riot Room - Kansas City, MO
12/12/2009 Reggie's Rock Club - Chicago, IL
12/13/2009 Station 4 - St Paul, MN
12/14/2009 Blondie's - Detroit, MI
12/15/2009 Peabody's - Cleveland, OH
12/16/2009 Gramercy Theater - New York, NY w/ Black Anvil

And all this time, GWAR, Job for a Cowboy and The Red Chord are going to be touring for the rest of the year; starting now and continuing through December. It's not worth posting dates since I can't find one site that has the entire list of dates, but it's worth checking to see if they're coming to your town.

This band is now dead to me

Dimmu Borgir haven't made a good NEW (not counting the re-recording of Stormblast) album since 2003. ISD was a horrible album that was in many ways SBD light. (I love how most Dimmu albums can be abbreviated.) Now the only three redeeming values that that album had are gone. Hellhammer was let go a while back when his (inferior) replacement drummer was hired permanently. Now Mustis and Vortex have both been fired. Given that Galder only played one lead on ISD (that was barely noticeable), Silenoz is now focusing on riffs that are more about crunch than atmosphere and Shagrath lacks any of the passion that he had in the late 90s to early 2000s, this band lost everything that they had going for them while retaining all of their negative aspects.

The story gets better. Silenoz, being the professional that he is, fired Mustis via a text message since he wasn't being credited for his contributions to previous albums and found that he was going to receive the same treatment on their new release that's currently in preproduction. So instead of giving him a songwriting credit, they just fired him with a text message that read, "goodbye."

And yet, it gets better, before Mustis issued a press release, he simply changed his Myspace status to "Betrayed" in an attempt to be just as professional as his former employers. Dimmu Borgir totally act like they are truly the biggest name in black metal. Most bands can learn a thing or two from their level of maturity.

I hope that everyone here knows that if you ever fire anybody, for any reason, the kvlt thing to do is text them with, "u r fired kthnxbye." It's apparently the standard for the music industry and it'll make people take you that much more seriously.

On a more serious note, Shagrath and Silenoz run the band, but really, they lost their magic and hopefully Hellhammer, Mustis and Vortex will more onto better pursuits. Hellhammer still has Mayhem and Winds, Vortx can finally make Lamented Souls the band that it deserves to be and Mustis... well, he's kind of fucked. Maybe he can write some classical music or something. He'd probably be good at that. kthnxbye.

Beauty

Okay, a genre of music like heavy metal is usually anything but beautiful. It's ugly, harsh and dissonent but there are a few exceptions to the rule. I'm not talking about, "The hottest woman in metal," I'm talking about music that has the aesthetic of beauty. To understand what I mean, beauty is divided into both masculine and feminine catagories. Masculine beauty reminds me of the works of Picasso, feminine beauty is more similar to a Russian cathedral.

I'd argue that Opeth and Mastodon are beautiful in a masculine way, while Epica has a very feminine beauty. What I mean is that Mastodon has a very strong solid sound that still manages to pull the listener in, while Opeth makes very powerful music that oftentimes breaks into something soft but never leaves the aesthetics of strength, even at it's most vulnerable sounding. Both are examples of the masculine, despite their detail.

Epica and Kamelot come across as very feminine. Neither have very strong vocals, both are filled with nuance and both have a sound that even at it's hardest still appears fluid. It's a very detailed, feminine sound that lacks the strength and solidness of masculine aesthetics.

Dark Tranquillity is more androgynous. I hate using that term with regards to metal because it brings up images of all sorts of 1980s fashion victims but they seem to have both very masculine and feminine characteristics to them while subscribing to neither. Dark Tranquillity is, in a sense, the cock of Lady Gaga of metal. And that's part of what makes them so engaging. They seem to have a beauty to their music that transcends both male and female. So, anybody's thoughts?

Want a Seizure?

Yeah, it's an old video but epilepsy inducing imagery will never get boring.

New Megadeth Song on Youtube

After a British radio station played a Megadeth song, somebody thankfully recorded the stream and was kind enough to put it on Youtube. My God*, Endgame is going to blow UA out of the water. As much I loved UA, it just lacked that old school vibe that I desperately wanted from Megadeth, but it appears that Endgame is going to be even better.

The new song, 44 Minutes conjures up memories of both Peace Sells' riffs, Rust in Peace's solos and Countdown to Extinction's choruses. This song in and of itself has more metal than fucking Voltron. Yeah, it cuts out at the end but it's simply amazing and makes up for everything that sucked from Cryptic Writings through TSHF.

For those of you keeping track, this is the fourth leaked song with seven tracks that we still haven't heard yet. And given that there were a few leaked tracks off Lamb of God's excellent Wrath album, the songs off Endgame are probably a good indication of how this album is going to sound. I can't wait to lose $15 of my hard earned money on September 15.

Oh, and the four leaked Megadeth tracks are significantly better than all of Death Magnetic. Take that Lars.





*Tonatiuh

This shit is real

\\\Maytag. A Sunn O))) tribute band that 's made not using instruments but by recording the sound of a refrigerator and then adding effects in post-production.

According to the last.fm page \\\Maytag came into existence when members of the Gamefaqs message boards decided got bored with creating topics claiming that their dad worked for Bungie and said that pink unicorns are going to be in the next Halo game* and instead came to the conclusion that Sunn O))) sounds like a broken fridge. Now regardless of my love for Sunn O))), I still laughed my ass off.

The best part of this is that \\\Maytag are not anywhere near as bad as you'd think that they are. It's borne from a dumb joke but it's also funny in an equally dumb way. I mean, they have a song title called, "Demons from Within (Your Fridge)." Tell me how that's not funny when it's mixed in with raw and necro production to give it that extra icy feel.

Oh, and they have a music video coming up that's supposedly a cover of a pop song. It's probably the worst idea involving anything musical since brokeNCYDE, but since when has quality ever deterred me from experimentation? And moreover, when has experimentation ever harmed me? (Other than the time when I tried my own low quality moonshine. The less said about that incident, the better.)


*My dad works for Bungie. And yes, pink unicorns are in the game. Trust me. I can't provide a source but I saw it when I went to his office after he picked me up from school and Master Chief fights pink unicorns. Ask me anything about the game and I can answer it. I'm only telling the truth if you're fourteen.

New Dillinger Album Details

Option Paralysis will finish recording by October 31 and if the two samples posted are any indication, this record is going to sound a lot more like the first two DEP albums than Ire Works which is a very, very good thing.* Expect this early next year.

And it appears that the west coast is now joining in on the North American festival craze. Dillinger are going to play with Converge at Fuck Yeah Fest in LA. The festival is a charity being run to help fund California's state park after several budget cuts. Given that I'm a much bigger fan of state government than federal government and generally pro-environmental, you owe it to yourself to go there (and DEP and Converge together is always a good reason as well).

Anyway, it's great to see that the festivals are spreading westward. Hopefully, market for American festivals will rival that of the European ones. Now if only Gathering of the Juggalos wasn't in my home state...


*Unless you're a pussy who likes more traditional songs instead of the total mind rape that The Dillinger escape Plan is supposed to be.

Van Halen are awesome

I just want you to know that 1. in the coming post-industrial economy it helps to know somebody with a stable income, sometimes it pays to dig up the past, good things do happen to those who wait, and Courage Wolf is always right. Oh, and listen to Van Halen:

Winger Completes Work on New Album. Pray for Foregiveness Since the World is About to End.

People, these are the end times, WINGER is planning for a comeback record to be released in October. All that I cna say is, "oh fuck no." It's ban enough that they released an album back in 2006 which had a cover that was very much everything that I hate about post-9/11 America, intertwining militarism with a religious mission without any sort of irony or mockery.

Why is this band still allowed to exist? This band is perhaps the hair band that had the fewest balls in a genre where most of the men tried to look as androgynous as possible. Regardless of the fact that Kip Winger is a man with a vagina, you have to wonder who listens to this shit.

Gaahl Steps Down

Wow, any and all anticipation that I had for God Seed is totally gone now since King has put the band "on hold." So King, are you going to approach Infernus and ask, "can I haz job back?" and expect him to not bitchslap you?

And why exactly did Gaahl do this? He built up so much hype for his new band, snubbed an old bandmate from Gorgoroth and now he's just walking away after building up a great linup featuring members of Satyricon and Enslaved? Is it just me or does the whole Gorgoroth trial now look like it was all for nothing?

Arkaea Sucked. Lando does not... and Neither does Tenet

Much like Arkaea, I've been patiently awaiting Tenet's debut album and the fact that the former's first album was so unimaginably horrible made me truly fear the worst for Sovereign. Thankfully, this album from three ex-members of Strapping Young Lad and three west-coast thrash vets (Gene Hoglan counts as both. Then again, Gene Hoglan is the living embodiment of heavy metal so he counts as a lot of things) is far better than I thought that it would be.

One thing that I noticed is that even though I've never liked Exodus, Steve Souza doesn't sound nearly as annoying here as he did during his Exodus days (as in he's not annoying at all on Sovereign) which makes me believe that Zetro never sucked. Gary Holt just likes annoying as fuck vocalists. (Has anyone ever listened to Exodus because of the frontman? Really, they've never excelled in that regard.) Oh, and as far as Exodus is concerned, Zetro was not only the definitive Exodus frontman, he was also their best.

As can be expected from Gene Hoglan (Death, Unearth, Dark Angel, Strapping Young Lad, Old Man's Child, Dethklok, Testament), this album is fast. Then again, he's widely regarded as a virtuoso - and perhaps the greatest drummer alive today after Neil Peart - so it's a given that this album is going to be fast as hell with many complicated fills being played. Then again, Arkaea also had a world-class drum performance but Years in the Darkness was atrocious. What sets Sovereign apart would be both better musical ideas, better guitar work and the fact that Zetro doesn't do a poor imitation of Chester Bennington.

The best part about Tenet is that it doesn't sound like SYL, Exodus or Forbidden and is something new, fresh, and the sum of its parts rather than one member's influences. The solos are great, the riffs are great, even Zetro is great. Check this fucker out.

8/10

Buck Dich! Rammstein May Return to North America

Metal Injection reports that Rammstien may return to North America. Holy fucking shit. Fire and a liquor spewing dildo, here I come!

Edit: While you're waiting, if you want to see an incredibly homoerotic metal show and live in the Chicago area, check out Deus Absconditus.

Alcohol

It's the common opinion that beer is more metal than wine yet Samael had their own limited edition wine and Maynard James Keenan is a vintner. Does this make wine more metal than beer? I don't know. All that I know is that I'm more of a fan of my won custom made moonshine that uses Dasher's own special recipe.* Just remember, when the stove lust light turns blue, moonshine is safe to drink, always.


*recipe uses the following ingredients

• Water
• Cornmeal
• Sugar
• Yeast
• Pressure Cooker
• Copper Tube
• Vessel
  
• Charcoal
• 2 tablespoons lighter fluid
• 1/5 cup bleach
• 3 drops mercury
• 1/8 quart of gasoline
  

New Stuff by Converge

The band who are responsible for the Massachusetts metlacore scene (and yes, that's a good think without the Mass scene, the record labels would have focused solely on the California scene and there is no way in hell that you can convince me that Unearth are anywhere near as bad as Atreyu, Eighteen Visions or Suicide Silence) has posted a new song online. It beckons you to listen to it since Converge is fucking awesome.

Ridiculous black metal pic of the week!

I haven't been apathetic about this blog. it's quite the opposite. You'll see by November...

Maynard James Keenan is the Wikipedia Article of the Day

I'm not providing a link since it'll change by tomorrow. Check it out now while you still have your proof.

Dave Mustaine's Coffee Company Calls it Quits

Blabbermouth reports that the Dave Mustaine's coffee line has officially ended. Those seeking to have a bit of metal with their coffee should consider spiking their morning cup with mercury.

Another Horrible Tour Skips Chicago!

August Burns Red, Impending Doom and The Acacia Strain aren't coming to my hometown. Right now I'm feeling very lucky. I had to sit through The Acacia Strain once before and while the stage banter was indeed cool (Vincent Bennett attacked the myspacecore crowd), I'm not a fan of them at all. And August Burns Red are fucking sellouts. Fuck this tour.

September 05th Frenchtown, NJ - Revalation Generation Festival
September 17th Denver, CO - Cerventes
September 18th Salt Lake City, UT - In The Venue
September 19th Boise, ID - The Venue
September 20th Portland, OR - Hawthorne Theater
September 21st Seattle, WA - El Corazon
September 23rd Orangevale, CA - Club Retro
September 25th Rio Rancho, CA - The Ozone
September 26th Lubbock, TX - Jake's Sports Cafe
September 27th San Antonio, TX - White Rabbit
September 28th McAllen, TX - The Incubator
September 30th New Orleans, LA - The High Ground
October 01st Birmingham, AL - Matthews Bar & Grill
October 02nd Nashville, TN - Rockettown
October 03rd Atlanta, GA - The Masquerade
October 04th St Petersburg, FL - State Theater
October 05th Jacksonville, FL - Edge 17
October 07th Charlotte, NC - Amos' Southend
October 08th Charleston, SC - Music Farm
October 09th Richmond, VA - The National
October 10th Allentown, PA - Crocodile Rock
October 11th Columbus, OH - Skully's
October 12th Toronto, ON - Phoenix Concert Theater
October 13th Montreal QC - Club Soda
October 14th Rochester, NY - Water Street Music Hall
October 15th Albany, NY - Northern Lights
October 16th Worcester, MA - The Palladium (Downstairs)
October 17th Syracuse, NY - Lost Horizon
October 18th New York, NY - The Fillmore NY @ Irving Plaza

What the fuck is brocore?

I've checked out one of the bands commonly tagged as brocore and it sounds like deathcore to me. What's the difference?

To all the Haters, "Fuck you! Get the Fuck Out!" Winds of Plague rules

Based upon one of Albert Einstien's ideas, Winds of Plague release a concept album about humanity destroying itself. Then not realizing the futility of war, engaging in MEDIEVAL MELEE FUCKING COMBAT!!!!!!! If that doesn't sound metal to you, then you should go back to your Avenged Sevenfold CDs and stop reading this blog.

The Great Stone War marks the debut of both drummer Art Cruz and keyboardist/backing vocalist Kristen Randall who take this album to places that the old lineup could never visit. In addition to Kristen's keyboard solos, Art's skill behind the kid gives TGSW a much faster tempo than Decimate the Weak had.

Improved technical skills aside, the band demonstrates their improved songwriting by recognizing what made DtW such an uneven listen (I'm mostly talking about Reloaded) and focusing on what worked while upping the intensity of the band's sound. It hits harder, plays faster and simply outplays than the band's peers. Consider this a deathcore album that's finally worth buying and isn't by The Red Chord.

9/10

Crimes Against Music Part IV: Damien Storm

Oh fuck no. Apparently this guy has been at it since 1993 and doesn't know when to stop torturing us. Yes, B-horror is totally metal. Look no further than White Zombie and Cannibal Corpse for confirmation of that. But this is by far one of the worst one-man bands ever devised.

Imagine a good but not great and fairly unimaginative guitarist playing neanderthal drum beats and performing the absolute most annoying vocals imaginable. Falsettos went out fo style in around 1992, but Damien has dedicated his career to bringing them back. I wouldn't have a problem if he was performing an adequate King Diamond impersonation but he's not. In fact, he sounds like a five-year-old girl.

And the half-assed "horror themes" are simply terrible and the phallic Halloween masks that he wears would even make Slipknot wince. I'm all for cheesy monster flicks like The Monolith Monsters or Shark Attack 3: Megalodon, but this guy seems to have a persona that's less Godzilla and more Torgo.

As far as self-promotion goes. His website is very, very 1996. As in, it looks like a simple Geocities page. The sad part is that there graphic designers aren't hard to find but it done'st look like there's a single one who'll take poor Damien seriously.

Unfortunately, this guy's CDs are going to be rerealeased along with a live DVD on Phil Anselmo's own record label. I get that Phil has always bee a total junkie but Phil must have been really, really, really high to sign this guy/five-year-old girl.

If you don't believe me that his voice is truly that awful, you can here it for yourself by veiwing the video below (not recommended. This is more annoying than Soulja Boy.)