This band is now dead to me

Dimmu Borgir haven't made a good NEW (not counting the re-recording of Stormblast) album since 2003. ISD was a horrible album that was in many ways SBD light. (I love how most Dimmu albums can be abbreviated.) Now the only three redeeming values that that album had are gone. Hellhammer was let go a while back when his (inferior) replacement drummer was hired permanently. Now Mustis and Vortex have both been fired. Given that Galder only played one lead on ISD (that was barely noticeable), Silenoz is now focusing on riffs that are more about crunch than atmosphere and Shagrath lacks any of the passion that he had in the late 90s to early 2000s, this band lost everything that they had going for them while retaining all of their negative aspects.

The story gets better. Silenoz, being the professional that he is, fired Mustis via a text message since he wasn't being credited for his contributions to previous albums and found that he was going to receive the same treatment on their new release that's currently in preproduction. So instead of giving him a songwriting credit, they just fired him with a text message that read, "goodbye."

And yet, it gets better, before Mustis issued a press release, he simply changed his Myspace status to "Betrayed" in an attempt to be just as professional as his former employers. Dimmu Borgir totally act like they are truly the biggest name in black metal. Most bands can learn a thing or two from their level of maturity.

I hope that everyone here knows that if you ever fire anybody, for any reason, the kvlt thing to do is text them with, "u r fired kthnxbye." It's apparently the standard for the music industry and it'll make people take you that much more seriously.

On a more serious note, Shagrath and Silenoz run the band, but really, they lost their magic and hopefully Hellhammer, Mustis and Vortex will more onto better pursuits. Hellhammer still has Mayhem and Winds, Vortx can finally make Lamented Souls the band that it deserves to be and Mustis... well, he's kind of fucked. Maybe he can write some classical music or something. He'd probably be good at that. kthnxbye.

Beauty

Okay, a genre of music like heavy metal is usually anything but beautiful. It's ugly, harsh and dissonent but there are a few exceptions to the rule. I'm not talking about, "The hottest woman in metal," I'm talking about music that has the aesthetic of beauty. To understand what I mean, beauty is divided into both masculine and feminine catagories. Masculine beauty reminds me of the works of Picasso, feminine beauty is more similar to a Russian cathedral.

I'd argue that Opeth and Mastodon are beautiful in a masculine way, while Epica has a very feminine beauty. What I mean is that Mastodon has a very strong solid sound that still manages to pull the listener in, while Opeth makes very powerful music that oftentimes breaks into something soft but never leaves the aesthetics of strength, even at it's most vulnerable sounding. Both are examples of the masculine, despite their detail.

Epica and Kamelot come across as very feminine. Neither have very strong vocals, both are filled with nuance and both have a sound that even at it's hardest still appears fluid. It's a very detailed, feminine sound that lacks the strength and solidness of masculine aesthetics.

Dark Tranquillity is more androgynous. I hate using that term with regards to metal because it brings up images of all sorts of 1980s fashion victims but they seem to have both very masculine and feminine characteristics to them while subscribing to neither. Dark Tranquillity is, in a sense, the cock of Lady Gaga of metal. And that's part of what makes them so engaging. They seem to have a beauty to their music that transcends both male and female. So, anybody's thoughts?

Want a Seizure?

Yeah, it's an old video but epilepsy inducing imagery will never get boring.

New Megadeth Song on Youtube

After a British radio station played a Megadeth song, somebody thankfully recorded the stream and was kind enough to put it on Youtube. My God*, Endgame is going to blow UA out of the water. As much I loved UA, it just lacked that old school vibe that I desperately wanted from Megadeth, but it appears that Endgame is going to be even better.

The new song, 44 Minutes conjures up memories of both Peace Sells' riffs, Rust in Peace's solos and Countdown to Extinction's choruses. This song in and of itself has more metal than fucking Voltron. Yeah, it cuts out at the end but it's simply amazing and makes up for everything that sucked from Cryptic Writings through TSHF.

For those of you keeping track, this is the fourth leaked song with seven tracks that we still haven't heard yet. And given that there were a few leaked tracks off Lamb of God's excellent Wrath album, the songs off Endgame are probably a good indication of how this album is going to sound. I can't wait to lose $15 of my hard earned money on September 15.

Oh, and the four leaked Megadeth tracks are significantly better than all of Death Magnetic. Take that Lars.





*Tonatiuh

This shit is real

\\\Maytag. A Sunn O))) tribute band that 's made not using instruments but by recording the sound of a refrigerator and then adding effects in post-production.

According to the last.fm page \\\Maytag came into existence when members of the Gamefaqs message boards decided got bored with creating topics claiming that their dad worked for Bungie and said that pink unicorns are going to be in the next Halo game* and instead came to the conclusion that Sunn O))) sounds like a broken fridge. Now regardless of my love for Sunn O))), I still laughed my ass off.

The best part of this is that \\\Maytag are not anywhere near as bad as you'd think that they are. It's borne from a dumb joke but it's also funny in an equally dumb way. I mean, they have a song title called, "Demons from Within (Your Fridge)." Tell me how that's not funny when it's mixed in with raw and necro production to give it that extra icy feel.

Oh, and they have a music video coming up that's supposedly a cover of a pop song. It's probably the worst idea involving anything musical since brokeNCYDE, but since when has quality ever deterred me from experimentation? And moreover, when has experimentation ever harmed me? (Other than the time when I tried my own low quality moonshine. The less said about that incident, the better.)


*My dad works for Bungie. And yes, pink unicorns are in the game. Trust me. I can't provide a source but I saw it when I went to his office after he picked me up from school and Master Chief fights pink unicorns. Ask me anything about the game and I can answer it. I'm only telling the truth if you're fourteen.

New Dillinger Album Details

Option Paralysis will finish recording by October 31 and if the two samples posted are any indication, this record is going to sound a lot more like the first two DEP albums than Ire Works which is a very, very good thing.* Expect this early next year.

And it appears that the west coast is now joining in on the North American festival craze. Dillinger are going to play with Converge at Fuck Yeah Fest in LA. The festival is a charity being run to help fund California's state park after several budget cuts. Given that I'm a much bigger fan of state government than federal government and generally pro-environmental, you owe it to yourself to go there (and DEP and Converge together is always a good reason as well).

Anyway, it's great to see that the festivals are spreading westward. Hopefully, market for American festivals will rival that of the European ones. Now if only Gathering of the Juggalos wasn't in my home state...


*Unless you're a pussy who likes more traditional songs instead of the total mind rape that The Dillinger escape Plan is supposed to be.

Van Halen are awesome

I just want you to know that 1. in the coming post-industrial economy it helps to know somebody with a stable income, sometimes it pays to dig up the past, good things do happen to those who wait, and Courage Wolf is always right. Oh, and listen to Van Halen:

Winger Completes Work on New Album. Pray for Foregiveness Since the World is About to End.

People, these are the end times, WINGER is planning for a comeback record to be released in October. All that I cna say is, "oh fuck no." It's ban enough that they released an album back in 2006 which had a cover that was very much everything that I hate about post-9/11 America, intertwining militarism with a religious mission without any sort of irony or mockery.

Why is this band still allowed to exist? This band is perhaps the hair band that had the fewest balls in a genre where most of the men tried to look as androgynous as possible. Regardless of the fact that Kip Winger is a man with a vagina, you have to wonder who listens to this shit.

Gaahl Steps Down

Wow, any and all anticipation that I had for God Seed is totally gone now since King has put the band "on hold." So King, are you going to approach Infernus and ask, "can I haz job back?" and expect him to not bitchslap you?

And why exactly did Gaahl do this? He built up so much hype for his new band, snubbed an old bandmate from Gorgoroth and now he's just walking away after building up a great linup featuring members of Satyricon and Enslaved? Is it just me or does the whole Gorgoroth trial now look like it was all for nothing?

Arkaea Sucked. Lando does not... and Neither does Tenet

Much like Arkaea, I've been patiently awaiting Tenet's debut album and the fact that the former's first album was so unimaginably horrible made me truly fear the worst for Sovereign. Thankfully, this album from three ex-members of Strapping Young Lad and three west-coast thrash vets (Gene Hoglan counts as both. Then again, Gene Hoglan is the living embodiment of heavy metal so he counts as a lot of things) is far better than I thought that it would be.

One thing that I noticed is that even though I've never liked Exodus, Steve Souza doesn't sound nearly as annoying here as he did during his Exodus days (as in he's not annoying at all on Sovereign) which makes me believe that Zetro never sucked. Gary Holt just likes annoying as fuck vocalists. (Has anyone ever listened to Exodus because of the frontman? Really, they've never excelled in that regard.) Oh, and as far as Exodus is concerned, Zetro was not only the definitive Exodus frontman, he was also their best.

As can be expected from Gene Hoglan (Death, Unearth, Dark Angel, Strapping Young Lad, Old Man's Child, Dethklok, Testament), this album is fast. Then again, he's widely regarded as a virtuoso - and perhaps the greatest drummer alive today after Neil Peart - so it's a given that this album is going to be fast as hell with many complicated fills being played. Then again, Arkaea also had a world-class drum performance but Years in the Darkness was atrocious. What sets Sovereign apart would be both better musical ideas, better guitar work and the fact that Zetro doesn't do a poor imitation of Chester Bennington.

The best part about Tenet is that it doesn't sound like SYL, Exodus or Forbidden and is something new, fresh, and the sum of its parts rather than one member's influences. The solos are great, the riffs are great, even Zetro is great. Check this fucker out.

8/10

Buck Dich! Rammstein May Return to North America

Metal Injection reports that Rammstien may return to North America. Holy fucking shit. Fire and a liquor spewing dildo, here I come!

Edit: While you're waiting, if you want to see an incredibly homoerotic metal show and live in the Chicago area, check out Deus Absconditus.

Alcohol

It's the common opinion that beer is more metal than wine yet Samael had their own limited edition wine and Maynard James Keenan is a vintner. Does this make wine more metal than beer? I don't know. All that I know is that I'm more of a fan of my won custom made moonshine that uses Dasher's own special recipe.* Just remember, when the stove lust light turns blue, moonshine is safe to drink, always.


*recipe uses the following ingredients

• Water
• Cornmeal
• Sugar
• Yeast
• Pressure Cooker
• Copper Tube
• Vessel
  
• Charcoal
• 2 tablespoons lighter fluid
• 1/5 cup bleach
• 3 drops mercury
• 1/8 quart of gasoline
  

New Stuff by Converge

The band who are responsible for the Massachusetts metlacore scene (and yes, that's a good think without the Mass scene, the record labels would have focused solely on the California scene and there is no way in hell that you can convince me that Unearth are anywhere near as bad as Atreyu, Eighteen Visions or Suicide Silence) has posted a new song online. It beckons you to listen to it since Converge is fucking awesome.

Ridiculous black metal pic of the week!

I haven't been apathetic about this blog. it's quite the opposite. You'll see by November...

Maynard James Keenan is the Wikipedia Article of the Day

I'm not providing a link since it'll change by tomorrow. Check it out now while you still have your proof.