Gold Cobra

Limp Bizkit have a new album named after Fred Durst's tiny dick.

And just when I was hoping that 2010 would kick ass...

Hypocrisy Cancel Tour

And I really wanted to go to this.

Hypocrisy haven't been to North America in years and it sucks to see them skip us due to the United States government changing it's rules reagarding Swedish visas (also happened to Marduk. Thankfully, I've already seen my share of Swedish metal bands with only Hypocrisy, Dismember, Meshuggah and Opeth being the Swedish bands that I'm a fan of that I haven't seen yet).

Oh, and I'm having to choose between Arch Enemy, Devin Townsend and Behemoth. Given DT's lack of stage time (he's prolific enough to need a much longet set) and the fact that I've already seen Arch Enemy, I'm probably going to go with Behemoth.

Oh, and it sucks to be Epica since Megadeth and Slayer are touring together at the same time. As much as I like Epica, Megadeth rule live and Slayer is Slayer. There is no contest.

LOL, Varg

He's calling his album, "The White God."

Oh, and on his website he's claiming, "It is not intended for play the "low-brow metal" style, but instead I imagine a listener willing to sit down, ideally in solitude, and think for a minute, about the White God and our forebears, whether they were Picto-British, Finnish, Gallic, Greek, Roman, Scandinavian, Scytho-Slavic, Daco-Thrakian or whatever, and about their magnificent, intelligent, positive, beautiful, healthy and strong culture."

The translation of that statement is, "I like money and I'll pretend to like people from outside of Norway if it helps me sell records."

Mastodon to Film Concert in Chicago for upcoming DVD

And you know who's going to be there...

Vader - Necropolis

Medusa is so horny

You know those times when a band has been around for a long time and they've found their niche? When you just know exactly what to expect and don't get disappointed? This is one of those times.

Necropolis breaks absolutely no new ground for Vader aside from being a solid deathrash album. If you've heard Vader. then you've already heard this. It doesn't make it bad, it just means that it sounds like Vader and your entire appreciation of this record will be dependent on how much you liked past releases. If you like Vader (which I do) then you'll like this. If you don't (in which case, you need your ears checked) then you won't.

This is by no means a bad album, it just didn't rock my world nor does it have any really awesome moments aside from We Are the Horde. But those who love all things Vader will completely worship this.

7/10

Conquering the blogging world

Prepare for Ultimate Poser Blog's new Soviet offensive.


Soon the blogging world will be mine, all mine! MWAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!! YES!!!!!!! I've been appointed as the admin for Spinelanguage and will be the primary contributor until mid December. You fools will bow before my power. This blogging world is mine, all mine.

Album reviews and assorted nonsense will still be posted here but any news stories will be published on Spinelanguage since they are both now MINE!!!!!!!!!!!!!! If you have the time, check both out.

RIP Mike Alexander

The bassist of Evile is now dead. his was a band that I actually listened to. Granted they weren't the most original band but they were a solid thrash group. He will be dearly missed.

Candria Guitarist Dies

The original Candria guitarist passed away recently. I never bothered to listen to them so I can't really write a sincere eulogy. Was this guy any good?

Interview with Katherine Katz of Agoraphobic Nosebleed and Salome

And yes, she really is 5'1.

1. What was it like to join such a legendary band (by grindcore standards) as Agoraphobic Nosebleed?

Incredible. I feel very fortunate to be working with them. Not only are they talented, but they’re awesome people.

2. Agorapocalypse is the first Agoraphobic Nosebleed album to really feel like a complete and developed album. Was your influence the catalyst?

Scott wanted a shift in direction, not only with the music, but the overall attitude of the band. I wasn’t the catalyst, I just added to the change.

3. Is Agorapocalypse an indication of the direction that Agoraphobic Nosebleed is going to take in the future?

I guess, we'll see. Scott writes whatever he wants to write and loves to experiment with different ideas/styles. I don't think the band has ever been about fulfilling expectations

4. Looking at the promo pics for Agorapocalypse, you're a lot shorter than I thought that you would be. What's it like being this little blonde chick in two bands with a bunch of big macho metal guys?

Boys have penises and girls have vaginas.

5. Has your presence in Agoraphobic Nosebleed helped Salome gain more attention from fans and possibly record labels?

It has been helpful, but I think Salome has put in a lot of hard work for the opportunities we've achieved and has been focused on building on our own successes.

6. One thing that I'm surprised about Salome is that you have such a heavy guitar tone but no bassist. What's your secret?

Amps.

7. What do you think is next for metal in the coming decade?

More doom? Yes, please.

Austrian Death Machine - Double Brutal

I was asked by a very close friend to review this in the most serious manner possible. Thankfully, I can't take anything seriously so I'll make this the most entertaining review yet. Why Danny? Because YOU NEED TO CHILL OUT!

I loved Total Brutal. Yes, it was indeed gimmicky, but it was a solid modern thrash record with some great guest soloists. Double Brutal doesn't change much but this is a band that relies on spontaneous songwriting and therefore needs to be ONE UGLY MOTHERFUCKER! Double brutal is many things, it's thrashy, it's heavy, IT'S A FERRET, and it connects with my inner film buff.

The premise may not be as fresh as it was two years ago and the cover songs lack the punch that they were intended to have, but Double Brutal still packs a punch. But in an autumn this crowded with quality releases, a silly, fun thrash album like this doesn't leave much of an impact. If it came out only a few months earlier, then it would come highly recommended, but I simply can't give this album the high score that it tries to achieve when there are so many better albums being released right now. Hasta la Vista Baby

7/10

Evile - Infected Nations

Captain Keyes? Is that you?


What hasn't already been said about Evile. They're a thrash bnad. They're not all that original but they still put out some very good material. If you like thrash metal then you'll probably like this but it won't blow your mind. Review done.

8/10

OMFG! PURE FUCKING AWEOME!

I've loved ninjas since I was a kid. And that is why ninja metal is automatically going to get a thumbs up from me. Ninja Magic is pretty much the band for me. Yes it is AC/DC worship, including the solo style but they have a ninja aesthetic so that completely makes up for any lack of originality.

And they dress up as ninjas live! Sadly, this band will never your outside of Sweden, but if they ever came to Chicago, I'd be first in line to get tickets. Ninja metal should be the next damn trend for the next decade. It's official, ninja metal will be huge. If you are in a ninja themed band, please provide a link to me so I can promote you.

If you don't listen to this, then ninjas will chop off your fucking head while you sleep!!!!

Unleashed's Bus Catches on Fire

Swedish viking death metallers Unleashed have had their bus catch on fire in Milan. None of the band members were harmed but the band were forced to cancel their Italian tour dates as a result.

The lesson learned is the in addition to drinking and driving, you can't smoke and drive without your bus setting on fire. Vehicles should be labeled "no fun zones" from this point forward.

Sonata Arctica - The Days of Grays

If the clouds weren't shaped like skulls, I'd consider moving to this place.



When it comes to flower metal, Sonata Arctica is one of the few bands that I can tolerate. Maybe that's because I'm a chaotic good half-elf ranger* who loves fantasy lyrics, maybe it's because they're coming out with a video game. But Sonata Arctica is the shit. Yes, they do have all of the markings of a shitty band but through some blessings of a chaotic neutral trickster god, they don't suck at all.

Yes, it is cheesier than a DiGiorno Pizza, but there is a sense of questing through dungeons and drinking with dwarfs in taverns that makes Sonata Arctica stand out. That's why even somebody who's into progressive and technical metal can find an appreciation for what Sonata Arctica does.

While The Days of Grays is certainly better than Unia, it's more of a return to form than anything else. But when you kick as much ass as Sonata Arctica, how can you complain?

8/10


*IRL. What is the D&D you speak of?

Insomnium - Across the Dark

Deep inside, you know that this pic is going to be used for a Japanese horror flick



How did I ignore this band for so long? This shit fucking rocks. I probably won't write the greatest review for this since I'm not familiar enough with their back catalog, but this is some quality melodeath that doesn't try anything really new but succeeds at refining much of what the genre did in the past.

It reminds me a lot of Sentenced's Amok and Dark Tranquillity's The Mind's I. I didn't think that any bands were keeping this style of melodeath alive today. Granted, I don't know what Insomnium did in the past so I can't judge this all that accurately, but damn, I fucking love this album.

9/10