Ultimate Poser Blog

Gold Cobra

2009-12-02T16:51:00.000-08:00

Limp Bizkit have a new album named after Fred Durst's tiny dick.

And just when I was hoping that 2010 would kick ass...

Hypocrisy Cancel Tour

2009-11-18T16:46:00.000-08:00

And I really wanted to go to this.

Hypocrisy haven't been to North America in years and it sucks to see them skip us due to the United States government changing it's rules reagarding Swedish visas (also happened to Marduk. Thankfully, I've already seen my share of Swedish metal bands with only Hypocrisy, Dismember, Meshuggah and Opeth being the Swedish bands that I'm a fan of that I haven't seen yet).

Oh, and I'm having to choose between Arch Enemy, Devin Townsend and Behemoth. Given DT's lack of stage time (he's prolific enough to need a much longet set) and the fact that I've already seen Arch Enemy, I'm probably going to go with Behemoth.

Oh, and it sucks to be Epica since Megadeth and Slayer are touring together at the same time. As much as I like Epica, Megadeth rule live and Slayer is Slayer. There is no contest.

LOL, Varg

2009-11-18T15:30:00.000-08:00

He's calling his album, "The White God."

Oh, and on his website he's claiming, "It is not intended for play the "low-brow metal" style, but instead I imagine a listener willing to sit down, ideally in solitude, and think for a minute, about the White God and our forebears, whether they were Picto-British, Finnish, Gallic, Greek, Roman, Scandinavian, Scytho-Slavic, Daco-Thrakian or whatever, and about their magnificent, intelligent, positive, beautiful, healthy and strong culture."

The translation of that statement is, "I like money and I'll pretend to like people from outside of Norway if it helps me sell records."

Mastodon to Film Concert in Chicago for upcoming DVD

2009-10-13T21:04:00.001-07:00

And you know who's going to be there...

Vader - Necropolis

2009-10-07T10:39:00.001-07:00

Medusa is so horny

You know those times when a band has been around for a long time and they've found their niche? When you just know exactly what to expect and don't get disappointed? This is one of those times.

Necropolis breaks absolutely no new ground for Vader aside from being a solid deathrash album. If you've heard Vader. then you've already heard this. It doesn't make it bad, it just means that it sounds like Vader and your entire appreciation of this record will be dependent on how much you liked past releases. If you like Vader (which I do) then you'll like this. If you don't (in which case, you need your ears checked) then you won't.

This is by no means a bad album, it just didn't rock my world nor does it have any really awesome moments aside from We Are the Horde. But those who love all things Vader will completely worship this.

7/10

Conquering the blogging world

2009-10-07T10:14:00.000-07:00

Prepare for Ultimate Poser Blog's new Soviet offensive.

Soon the blogging world will be mine, all mine! MWAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!! YES!!!!!!! I've been appointed as the admin for Spinelanguage and will be the primary contributor until mid December. You fools will bow before my power. This blogging world is mine, all mine.

Album reviews and assorted nonsense will still be posted here but any news stories will be published on Spinelanguage since they are both now MINE!!!!!!!!!!!!!! If you have the time, check both out.

RIP Mike Alexander

2009-10-06T23:04:00.000-07:00

The bassist of Evile is now dead. his was a band that I actually listened to. Granted they weren't the most original band but they were a solid thrash group. He will be dearly missed.

Candria Guitarist Dies

2009-10-06T00:20:00.001-07:00

The original Candria guitarist passed away recently. I never bothered to listen to them so I can't really write a sincere eulogy. Was this guy any good?

Interview with Katherine Katz of Agoraphobic Nosebleed and Salome

2009-10-02T15:21:00.000-07:00

And yes, she really is 5'1.

1. What was it like to join such a legendary band (by grindcore standards) as Agoraphobic Nosebleed?

Incredible. I feel very fortunate to be working with them. Not only are they talented, but they’re awesome people.

2. Agorapocalypse is the first Agoraphobic Nosebleed album to really feel like a complete and developed album. Was your influence the catalyst?

Scott wanted a shift in direction, not only with the music, but the overall attitude of the band. I wasn’t the catalyst, I just added to the change.

3. Is Agorapocalypse an indication of the direction that Agoraphobic Nosebleed is going to take in the future?

I guess, we'll see. Scott writes whatever he wants to write and loves to experiment with different ideas/styles. I don't think the band has ever been about fulfilling expectations

4. Looking at the promo pics for Agorapocalypse, you're a lot shorter than I thought that you would be. What's it like being this little blonde chick in two bands with a bunch of big macho metal guys?

Boys have penises and girls have vaginas.

5. Has your presence in Agoraphobic Nosebleed helped Salome gain more attention from fans and possibly record labels?

It has been helpful, but I think Salome has put in a lot of hard work for the opportunities we've achieved and has been focused on building on our own successes.

6. One thing that I'm surprised about Salome is that you have such a heavy guitar tone but no bassist. What's your secret?

Amps.

7. What do you think is next for metal in the coming decade?

More doom? Yes, please.

Austrian Death Machine - Double Brutal

2009-10-02T00:26:00.000-07:00

I was asked by a very close friend to review this in the most serious manner possible. Thankfully, I can't take anything seriously so I'll make this the most entertaining review yet. Why Danny? Because YOU NEED TO CHILL OUT!

I loved Total Brutal. Yes, it was indeed gimmicky, but it was a solid modern thrash record with some great guest soloists. Double Brutal doesn't change much but this is a band that relies on spontaneous songwriting and therefore needs to be ONE UGLY MOTHERFUCKER! Double brutal is many things, it's thrashy, it's heavy, IT'S A FERRET, and it connects with my inner film buff.

The premise may not be as fresh as it was two years ago and the cover songs lack the punch that they were intended to have, but Double Brutal still packs a punch. But in an autumn this crowded with quality releases, a silly, fun thrash album like this doesn't leave much of an impact. If it came out only a few months earlier, then it would come highly recommended, but I simply can't give this album the high score that it tries to achieve when there are so many better albums being released right now. Hasta la Vista Baby

7/10

Evile - Infected Nations

2009-10-02T00:03:00.000-07:00

Captain Keyes? Is that you?

What hasn't already been said about Evile. They're a thrash bnad. They're not all that original but they still put out some very good material. If you like thrash metal then you'll probably like this but it won't blow your mind. Review done.

8/10

OMFG! PURE FUCKING AWEOME!

2009-10-01T21:41:00.000-07:00

I've loved ninjas since I was a kid. And that is why ninja metal is automatically going to get a thumbs up from me. Ninja Magic is pretty much the band for me. Yes it is AC/DC worship, including the solo style but they have a ninja aesthetic so that completely makes up for any lack of originality.

And they dress up as ninjas live! Sadly, this band will never your outside of Sweden, but if they ever came to Chicago, I'd be first in line to get tickets. Ninja metal should be the next damn trend for the next decade. It's official, ninja metal will be huge. If you are in a ninja themed band, please provide a link to me so I can promote you.

If you don't listen to this, then ninjas will chop off your fucking head while you sleep!!!!

Unleashed's Bus Catches on Fire

2009-10-01T14:08:00.000-07:00

Swedish viking death metallers Unleashed have had their bus catch on fire in Milan. None of the band members were harmed but the band were forced to cancel their Italian tour dates as a result.

The lesson learned is the in addition to drinking and driving, you can't smoke and drive without your bus setting on fire. Vehicles should be labeled "no fun zones" from this point forward.

Sonata Arctica - The Days of Grays

2009-10-01T12:48:00.000-07:00

If the clouds weren't shaped like skulls, I'd consider moving to this place.

When it comes to flower metal, Sonata Arctica is one of the few bands that I can tolerate. Maybe that's because I'm a chaotic good half-elf ranger* who loves fantasy lyrics, maybe it's because they're coming out with a video game. But Sonata Arctica is the shit. Yes, they do have all of the markings of a shitty band but through some blessings of a chaotic neutral trickster god, they don't suck at all.

Yes, it is cheesier than a DiGiorno Pizza, but there is a sense of questing through dungeons and drinking with dwarfs in taverns that makes Sonata Arctica stand out. That's why even somebody who's into progressive and technical metal can find an appreciation for what Sonata Arctica does.

While The Days of Grays is certainly better than Unia, it's more of a return to form than anything else. But when you kick as much ass as Sonata Arctica, how can you complain?

8/10

*IRL. What is the D&D you speak of?

Insomnium - Across the Dark

2009-10-01T11:13:00.000-07:00

Deep inside, you know that this pic is going to be used for a Japanese horror flick

How did I ignore this band for so long? This shit fucking rocks. I probably won't write the greatest review for this since I'm not familiar enough with their back catalog, but this is some quality melodeath that doesn't try anything really new but succeeds at refining much of what the genre did in the past.

It reminds me a lot of Sentenced's Amok and Dark Tranquillity's The Mind's I. I didn't think that any bands were keeping this style of melodeath alive today. Granted, I don't know what Insomnium did in the past so I can't judge this all that accurately, but damn, I fucking love this album.

9/10

New Samael Video Posted

2009-09-30T12:31:00.001-07:00

Finally, Above - one of the most difficult and challenging but still musically straightforward records of the year - gets its own video.

SAMAEL - Black Hole

If you haven't heard Above yet, then you really need to give it a listen. It's one of the best albums of the year.

Scary Thought That I Had

2009-09-28T12:16:00.000-07:00

Between the low grows and autotune effects, Attack Attack could theoretically cover Chant for Eschaton 2000. Apologies for giving you nightmares.

Arch Enemy - The Root of All Evil

2009-09-27T20:31:00.000-07:00

How did this go wrong? This was supposed to be an improvement with the same songs from the first three albums but without Johan Liiva fucking them up. This has the worst mix that I've heard since Death Magnetic. The guitar tone is way too clean for Arch Enemy and the drums are way louder than everything else.

Fredrick Nordstrom should have been in the mixing room instead of Andy Sneap. All of the power of previous albums has been stripped away. But hey, at least I can hear the bass, except its too muddy to for me to tell what notes are being played which is in contrast to the uber clarity of everything else. The only thing keeping me from flying to the UK and punching Andy Sneap in the face is the fact that I'm still a Sabbat fan.

Granted, this isn't the band's fault. It's completely the fault of the mixer. The guitar tone doesn't even sound natural. It has a thick layer of gloss over it that takes away from the crunch that Arch Enemy needs. It's overproduction at its finest to the point where I'd rather listen to these songs with Johan. It's just maddening that an album with such potential is ruined by a record producer. It's now time for me to break out a certain article by Jack Endino who produced the last High on Fire record: http://www.endino.com/archive/arch4-0.html

And even though I said that I would never punch Andy Sneap in the face, that says nothing about you. If you live in the UK and you see this man, please punch him for me. Thanks.

4/10

Edit: I just learned that Unearth's The March was also mixed by Andy Sneap, who apparently also fucked their guitar tone. Seriously, for any UK readers, you live in Europe. Do what Europeans do best and descend upon this guy's house as a pitchfork wielding mob.

Winds of Plague Annouce California Love Tour

2009-09-27T19:39:00.000-07:00

http://www.roadrunnerrecords.com/blabbermouth.net/news.aspx?mode=Article&newsitemID=127624

Problem. Hypocrisy and Blackguard are playing the same night. I'll have to weigh the pros and cons here. I'm not a fan of Ensiferum and their headlining the Hypocrisy/Blackguard tour. Winds of Plague have some REALLY shitty support acts. Winds of Plague have some really great T-shirts. Hypocrisy probably won't be back for another three years. Winds of Plague are cheaper. Hypocrisy is closer. Winds of Plague are playing at a smaller venue so I will probably land an interview. Winds of Plague are also playing at at venue at the border of Orland Park and Tinley Park while Hypocrisy are downtown.

Decisions, decisions. (I'll probably go with Hypocrisy)

Marduk - Wormwood

2009-09-26T14:09:00.000-07:00

You think this is scary?

This was the original cover

Those fearing (or in some cases hoping) that the newfound maturity of ROM 5:12 would be abandoned on subsequent releases will have spent their time worrying over nothing. The norsecore days of old are gone. Not that they weren't enjoyable, but I personally really love the new grown up Marduk.

The real difference between the two eras are that the old Marduk is kind of like that girl that you liked back in middle school. Sure it's a nice memory but would you really have her back then or bang her now that she's grown up, sexually experienced and has a great rack? Just like there's no comparison between doing it with your old middle school crush in sixth grade when she was experimenting and banging her now that she's your girlfriend, there is no way that anyone could say that Panzer Division Marduk is better than the more mature and experienced Wormwood. This album has a great rack.

There are still plenty of fast blasting parts, but Wormwood is more than just another Marduk blastathon. It's about subtlety and discretion which makes the fast parts just seem that much faster. Mortuus is truly the best thing that ever happened to Marduk since he was able to turn them into a real three-dimensional band. What began on ROM 5:12 is continued here and if you liked what they did back in 2007, then its safe to say that you'll like Wormwood. Then again, if you didn't like their last album, then I'd have to wonder why exactly you're listening to black metal in the first place.

And lets not forget the atmosphere. There is so much evil coming out of this album, even the faster tracks like Into Utter Madness and Nowhere, No-One, Nothing have a sinister vibe to them that the Marduk of old was unable to articulate. This album is high-octane nightmare fuel of the highest quality and I find it genuinely uncomfortable to listen to (in a good way). If you're going to listen to one Scandinavian black metal album this year, then Wormwood is exactly what you need.

9/10

New Epica Video Online

2009-09-26T13:28:00.000-07:00

If I could be tormented by any stalker, Simone Simons is pretty high on the list. The glowing eyes only make her that much hotter.

Vote for the next Megadeth Single!

2009-09-26T13:23:00.001-07:00

Go to the official forums on Megadeth.com and VOTE NOW for the next single. Poll closes Monday

Immortal - All Shall Fall

2009-09-26T09:51:00.000-07:00

This album is nearly impossible to review. The expectations were simply to high for me to praise it given that its been seven years since their last album combined with the sheer amount of awesome that their previous discography has. No matter what they came up with, this album was going to suck. On the other hand, its Immortal, it's produced by Peter Tagtgren, and this is still one of the most anticipated albums of the year. No matter what they came up with, this album was going to rule.

So here we have All Shall Fall. It takes a long time to sink in simply because albums like albums like Diabolical Fullmoon Mysticism and At the Heart of Winter are so legendary. So while it'll forever be kept in the shadow of past works, this is still a keeper.

So yes, it's still Immortal and by that I mean it still sounds like Immortal. That's still a good thing since Immortal's sound is hardly dated. But it's also safe. There are so many fewer risks taken on here than there were on a album like Pure Holocaust or Blizzard Beasts and I can't help but feel that Immortal were intentionally playing it safe to avoid alienating their fans. While I'm personally not alienated by this in any way and I'm certain to enjoy the new material in a live setting, it's still somewhat upsetting to hear that they didn't provide much experimentation.

Don't get me wrong. It's still worth buying and definitely grows on you with a few listens. It just isn't the groundbreaking and career defining moment that everyone expected it to be. If a band who wasn't Immortal made the same album, I'd probably rank them higher than I'm doing here. I knew going in that I was going to be let down no matter what but I was still surprised at how good this album is. Is it one of the best albums of the year? No but it is certainly a sold release from one of the greatest black metal bands of all time.

7/10

Susperia finally release new video

2009-09-25T16:06:00.000-07:00

I'll take it as Athera is finally fully recovered. And the actual video is quite cool. Wait for the end.

Five Finger Death Punch - War is the Answer

2009-09-24T22:11:00.000-07:00

The new Immortal is taking way longer to sink in than I thought. It's totally a grower. So that means that I'll keep myself occupied by writing a review of the new Five Finger Death Punch album since I need something to keep myself occupied with (which I sadly purchased sine it was released a few days ago). What better than something horrible with which to remind myself that this is still supposed to be a funny blog?

I'll be the first person to state that this is not metal. It's post-grunge that happens to market itself as metal since post-grunge like Creed and Godsmack is no longer commercially viable. Now throw in some minor nu metal influences and you have an album that you heard several other bands make in 1999.

The fact that this is marketed as a combination of groove metal and metalcore is an insult to my intelligence. There are no traces of either. It's a bait and switch scheme that you're falling for if you like them and given this band's success, they're clearly selling albums to actual fans rather than just snarky bloggers making ironic purchases.

You have everything that makes for a shitty album here. Cheesy lyrics about punching people in the face? Check. Dated musical ideas that today's fifteen-year-olds don't remember? Check. Needless profanity to connect with my angsty thirteen-year-old self? Check. Guitar solos to make it seem like this somehow isn't just some 90s radio rock bullshit? Check.

When your singer even uses an outdated singing style that connects him with one of many faceless and forgotten bands from yesteryear, you suck. There is nothing original about this band at all except for trying to not be trendy by following dead trends to pretend that you're something new. Thankfully, I have a better memory than a goldfish.

This band is truly, honestly in it for the money and it's clear that they're the biggest get rich quick scheme in all of metal. I'd rather drink a six pack of Tecate than give this a second listen. At least this CD can be used for skeet shooting.

1/10

Interview with Carmine Laietta V of Hull

2009-09-24T20:55:00.000-07:00

One thing that can truly be said about Hull is that they're truly chill guys. I have nothing but respect for this band and wish them the best. Lead guitarist Carmine Laitetta V (I have no fucking idea what the V stands for) was cool enough to do an interview. Thankfully, I'm cool enough to post it.

UPB: What's it like to tour in a band that shares a name with the guitarists of one of your tourmate's non-touring projects?

Carmine: It sucks. But not because of Scott's name, just because ever time I say, "I'm in Hull" the people's response is always, "You're in Hole." And I say... "Yes, dick."

UPB: Now that you're signed to The End, what's the next step careerwise? Are there any bigger tours planned for the near future?

C: Yes, put our next album and make it more massive than out debut, and everything else out there while we're at it.

UPB: I notice your Yob shirt. There's a restaurant west of here on Belmont called Kuma's that has a burger named after them. You plan on checking them out tomorrow morning?

C: Hopefully! Although I did make some plans with a close old friend that we're sleeping with.

UPB: Are you ever planning on sticking a comb in your afro since everyone else today is walking around like that?

C: I own a pick with a fist. Need I say more?

UPB: Stoner metal is finally catching on due to the success of High on Fire and to a lesser extent, Red Fang. Do you feel that you might finally be the band that breaks the genre into the mainstream?

C: I don't count on it. I just try to write the best music I can. Keep challenging myself and the band. Hopefuly we find an appropriate audience. So far, so good though!

UPB: As the decade comes to a close, what do you think will be the next big metal trend for the 2010s?

C: I have no idea... We played with a band of youngsters the other night and they were clearly influenced by garbage like Attack Attack! That seems to be the newest trend now and I wnat nothing to do with it.

UPB: Have you started writing your next album yet?

C: Yes. You'll hear some shit soon.

UPB: What's your most interesting tour story so far?

C: My bass player and I got robbed at gunpoint in Cincinnati this past Sunday. Actually, 3 gunpoints! They took our phones, wallets and my camera that I was documenting the tour with. Sucks but I'm still walking around, breathing, with blood still pumping through my dick. I guess that's what really matters.

UPB: When do you plan to return to Chicago?

C: Very soon. I like this place but after we play tonight, we'll see if Chicago is still standing!

New Arch Enemy track posted

2009-09-24T08:45:00.000-07:00

The new version of Bury Me an Angel is now posted online. and yes, it does have that horrible sterile guitar tone. Andy Sneap now joins Greg Fidleman and Andrew Scheps (you know, the guys who ruined Death Magnetic by mixing out the bass and then compressing the fuck out of everything else) when it comes to mixing room guys who need to be punched in the face. It takes a lot for me to say this since I do like Sabbat, but seriously, this production just lacks the teeth of other Arch Enemy albums.

And if you live in Asia or Australia, they are planning a tour for the Far East (with a Belgium date thrown into the Asia dates for some reason).

Oct 9 2009

8:00P

DK Gorbunova, Moscow (Russia)

Moscow

Oct 10 2009

8:00P

Mass Deathtruction Festival @ Ferme du Biéreau

Louvain-la-Neuve

Oct 17 2009

8:00P

LOUD PARK 09 @ Makuhari Messe, Tokyo (Japan)

Tokyo, Chiba

Oct 18 2009

8:00P

Liberty Square - Taipei (Taiwan)

Taipei

Oct 20 2009

8:00P

World Trade Center - Manila (Philippines)

Manila

Oct 21 2009

8:00P

Hitec Auditorium - Kowloon (Hong Kong)

Kowloon (Hong Kong)

Oct 23 2009

8:00P

The Star Live House - Beijing (China)

Beijing (China)

Oct 25 2009

8:00P

Seoul Ax, Seoul (Republic Of Korea)

Seoul

Oct 28 2009

8:00P

Senayan Tennis Indoor Stadium, Jakarta (indonesia)

Jakarta

Nov 1 2009

8:00P

Capitol, Perth (Australia)

Perth

Nov 3 2009

8:00P

Fowlers Live, Adelaide (Australia)

Adelaide

Nov 5 2009

8:00P

The Forum, Melbourne (Australia)

Melbourne

Nov 6 2009

8:00P

The Roundhouse, Sydney (Australia)

Sydney

Nov 7 2009

8:00P

The Hifi, Brisbane (Australia)

Brisbane

Nov 10 2009

8:00P

Transmission Room – Auckland (New Zealand)

Auckland

What surprises me is that they aren't doing any dates for Osaka or Sapporo. Loud Park is a big festival but by all accounts, this band is huge in Japan. What's even more shocking is that there are only two Chinese dates (Hong Kong and Beijing) when it's a country of over one billion. I'd think that they'd at least throw Shanghai or Macau in there for the Chinese market. And then they skip over Thailand completely. But at least they won't skip Chicago the next time that they come to the North America.

Samael no Longer on Moonspell tour

2009-09-22T07:18:00.000-07:00

Sucks if you actually bought tickets for this. They're replaced by Divine Heresy.

Five Finger Death Punch Gut Walrus. Find Zoltan

2009-09-21T22:56:00.000-07:00

They found the guy.

Have You Seen This Man?

2009-09-21T08:40:00.000-07:00

Zoltan Bathory of Five Finger Death Punch has gone missing. He was last seen drinking with fans in Las Vegas. If you've seen this man, please notify the FBI.

Anyway, Let's talk about what may have happened to this guy.

Theory 1: Spontaneous human Combustion

He was drinking. Alcohol is flammable. It's very possible that his body may have set itself on fire. Of course, if this happened, then all that my be left is his skull. It's scary to think about, I know, but spontaneous combustion could happen to you.

What to do if you spontaneously combust?

Stop, drop and roll

Get in some water

Cryogenically freeze yourself

2. Ninjas

If this man is never found, then its safe to say that the ninjas got him. Ninjas leave no trace of themselves. They're masters of disguise who nobody alive today has claimed to see. The ninja threat is real. They're everywhere and are behind the disappearance of your socks. If they can make one sock out of a pair disappear once you put it in the washer, then abducting a human is no problem for them.

3. Alien Abduction
If this happened, then he's probably very, very far away now. On the plus side, he gets to see some really cool things that we'd never encounter on Earth and if he dies on their planet it'll probably be like this:

4. Eaten by a Walrus

The most likely scenario. The man eating walrus is native to the Las Vegas area and is known to have a taste for human flesh. If he is not found within one week, then it's common practice for the stool of any and all walruses to be inspected for human remains. Hopefully it didn't come to this most agonizing and traumatic death.

Megadeth - Endgame

2009-09-20T08:29:00.000-07:00

United Abominations is one of the most important albums of the the current thrash revival. So it's worth saying that Endgame takes Megadeth's comeback even further. This isn't just a good Megadeth album like UA was, it actually sounds like the Megadeth of old. That's right. UA was the appetizer. This is the main course.

It's fast. Chris Broderick is the best guitarist that Megadeth have had since Marty Friedman. It's the best collection of songs since Countdown to Extinction back in 1992. If you're only getting one metal album this month and don't feel like waiting to see how the new Immortal turns out, then you can't go wrong with Endgame. It's even better than the new Black Dahlia Murder, which is no small feat.

It's not even worth getting into how this sounds. If you like Megadeth, or thrash in general, then you'll dig Endgame.

9/10

Municipal Waste - Massive Aggressive

2009-09-19T09:52:00.000-07:00

Municipal Waste are an incredibly fun live band. That much is a given. But while they're a fun retreat into 1980s nostalgia (I was born in 1987 so I guess that I can't appreciate the neo thrash movement that much) They seem to lack any real seriousness or substance.

Their lyrics are funny. I'll give them that much but it almost seems as though their nothing more than a gimmick. Whereas the thrash bands of old were experimenting heavily by their fourth album, Municipal Waste seem afraid to leave their comfort zone on Massive Aggressive.

The hooks that are present simply aren't memorable when every song is the same and it's really the same album that they put out three times in the past. If you're older and don't mind hearing a band that reminds you of the early days of Slayer and Metallica, then this might be for you, but for the rest of us, we've all heard Municipal Waste before and they're going to need to provide some changes by their next album if they hope to have any longevity.

6/10

Shadows Fall - Retribution

2009-09-17T19:51:00.000-07:00

I've long asked myself why should I listen to Shadows Fall? If I want to listen to thrashcore then why don't I listen to God forbid and the third Unearth album as better options? Then I realize that its because I'm a blogger and Shadows Fall just released a new album. And while there are certainly better options available, Retribution is hardly a bad album.

Brian Fair is still a shitty vocalist. The guitars somewhat make up for him sucking and God Forbid is still better in every way. But hey, if Shadows Fall are your thing, you could still do a lot worse. So yeah, they're overrated as fuck but they're still okay, but not really anything more. This one is for fans only.

6/10

Kittie - In the Black

2009-09-17T18:35:00.000-07:00

Don't you just love it when a band grows up with you? When they played the same trendy shit that you listened to as a kid and then as an adult they mature? Yes, they did start out as a nu metal band but by Until the End they developed into a metalcore band and finally evolved into a melodic black metal group with a heavy Rotting Christ influence by Funeral for Yesterday. Sadly other nu metla bands like Slipknot and Otep are still creatively stagnant despite the rest of the scene

In the Black sees Kittie grow heavier after their last album and more death than black, but is still similar enough to the previous album that they should keep the same fans that they won over and continue to alienate the fans that they lost back in 2007. In the Black is mercifully shorter that FFY was but still feels like it runs on for a bit too long. Then there are the pacing issues with a much heavier first half and a more melodic second. Both of these issues negatively affect an otherwise really good album but thankfully not enough for it to not be enjoyable.

And I've realized that female guitarists don't get enough credit. Tara McLeod is fantastic on ItB. She proves that she can hold her own in a world with very few female metal lead guitarists. She may not have the most flashy style but her leads are always tasteful and fit the music perfectly.

ItB is heavy, melodic, and the latest step in Kittie's evolution. They almost had something great here if not for problems that could have been solved in post-production. It's good, but given that this month also has some other big names dropping albums (Megadeth and Immortal being the two most obvious), ItB finds Kittie unfortunately being the leftovers of the metal genre once again.

7/10

The Black Dahlia Murder - Deflorate

2009-09-17T16:42:00.000-07:00

Let's clarify things. This band is not deathcore. They're blackened death metal like Goatwhore or Behemoth but with a heavy influence from melodeath. They still riffs from Dimmu Borgir, not Madball. They have some chugging riffs but they never focus on breakdowns. They have never been deathcore, they're just popular with the same crowd. Now shut up.

Anyway, this has a great cover. Let's see: Jawas + Kirspy Kritters + a futuristic city in the background + a fat guy upon a throne with giant man tits that is probably supposed to be frontman Trevor Strnad. Speaking of Trevor, it's still hard to believe that he is the sole vocalist of this band since they've always sounded like they have two.

And new guitarist Ryan Night is the shit. This guy plays some wicked solos, as can be expected from an ex-member of Arsis. He's a significnat step up from John Kempainen's lead playing and that is what elevates this album above Nocturnal (although Miasma still takes the top spot).

If you like blackened death metal or if you are willing to get past the deathcore tag that's been applied to BDM despite it being incredibly inaccurate, then this album comes highly recommended. It may not be as good of a blackened death album as Evangelion, but it certainly entertains.

8/10

New Rammstien Video

2009-09-17T12:03:00.000-07:00

Holy shit this is fucking extreme. I'm not even sure if I can provide a link to the URL since it's that pornographic. The song isn't that great but if anyone had an issue with Behemoth's Ov Fire and The Void, then the video for "Pussy" will nuke your brain.

Most Metal Shirt to Not Belong to a Band

2009-09-15T07:44:00.000-07:00

I Need This. So does anybody want my Paypal account? It's for a good cause!

Help Me Dear Odin, I Have A Horrible Song Stuck in my Head

2009-09-14T12:54:00.000-07:00

I'm currently dealing with the most horrible song in the world being stuck in my head. No matter what I do, I cna't stop listening. It's every single bad cliche that's currently killing music present within the time span of 3:34... but the autotune and techno parts are just so catchy. I need to fucking die.

In the meantime, allow me to torment you with the horrible song that's stuck in my head and won't let go:

Immortal Special Edition is Even Better than Winds of Plague's

2009-09-13T13:14:00.001-07:00

There are three separate options, the one with the T-Shirt, the one with the hoodie, and the one woth the T-Shirt, four buttons, an axe pendant, a poster and digipak packaging for the CD. I bought the Legendary edition of Halo 3, so it's a given which one I want.

Dimmu Issue Studio Update

2009-09-10T08:38:00.000-07:00

Dimmu Borgir are already recording their new album. And apparently it features a full orchestra when I expected a return to the Stormblast - SBD sound. As for who'll replace Vortex, Ihsahn and Dave Hunt are the two most obvious choices since neither of them are touring and Dimmu Borgir = money.

New tour coming this winter!

2009-09-09T19:40:00.001-07:00

And it's totally worth going to. Cannibal Corpse and Unearth are incredible live bands. I never really got into Hate Eternal. Hatebreed are good but I don't know why this hardcore band (no, they aren't metalcore, no matter how much they say that they are) insists on going on metal tours. And then Born of Osiris is opening so it's okay to get their late since you're only missing a deathcore band.

11/07 - Harpo's - Detroit, MI
11/08 - Bogart's - Cincinnati, OH
11/09 - Recher Theatre - Towson, MD
11/10 - Northern Lights - Clifton Park, NY
11/12 - The National - Richmond, VA
11/13 - Amos' Southend - Charlotte, NC
11/14 - The Club @ Firestone - Orlando, FL
11/15 - State Theatre - St. Petersburg, FL
11/16 - The Masquerade - Atlanta, GA
11/17 - Plush - Jacksonville, FL
11/18 - The Hangar - New Orleans, LA
11/19 - Meridian - Houston, TX
11/20 - Sunset Station - San Antonio, TX
11/21 - The Door - Dallas, TX
11/22 - The Beaumont Club - Kansas City, MO
11/23 - Odgen Theatre - Denver, CO
11/24 - Sunshine Theater - Albuquerque, NM
11/25 - Marquee Theatre - Tempe, AZ
11/27 - The Warfield - San Francisco, CA
11/28 - Hollywood Palladium - Los Angeles, CA
11/29 - Karma - Victorville, CA
12/01 - Roseland Theatre - Portland, OR
12/02 - Commodore Ballroom - Vancouver, BC
12/03 - The King Cat Theatre - Seattle, WA
12/04 - The Knitting Factory - Spokane, WA
12/05 - MacEwan Hall Ballroom - Calgary, AB
12/06 - Edmonton Events Centre - Edmonton, AB
12/07 - Odeon Events Centre - Saskatoon, SK
12/08 - The Garrick Centre - Winnipeg, MB
12/09 - The Rock - Maplewood, MN
12/10 - House of Blues - Chicago, IL
12/11 - Pop's - Sauget, IL
12/12 - The Rave - Milwaukee, WI
12/13 - The Intersection - Grand Rapids, MI
12/14 - The Town Ballroom - Buffalo, NY
12/16 - Sound Academy - Toronto, ON
12/17 - Metropolis - Montreal, QC
12/18 - Nokia Theatre - New York, NY
12/19 - The Palladium - Worcester, MA

I Can't Get This Song Out of My Head

2009-09-09T04:11:00.001-07:00

I went to sleep. Had a dream about a toothpick giving me tongue splinters. I then woke up and went to bed a half hour later. I then dreamed about pornographic pictures of my friends ending up online. The only thing taht they both had in common was that this song was playing in both of them:

New Arch Enemy album details posted

2009-09-04T12:55:00.000-07:00

http://www.metalunderground.com/news/details.cfm?newsid=47987

I'm a bit let down by the bonus tracks since they're just three live tracks of songs that are already on the album as opposed to a new old studio track like Fields of Desolation or Cosmic Retrobution which I can't believe aren't on the album. I can understand why certain tracks weren't rerecorded. For instance the narrator in Seed of Hate and Tears of the Dead is stated to be male and the song Angelclaw is about a man fantasizing about a woman but if they're going with bonus tracks, why the hell are they excluding the song who's solo they use to close every set?

And after hearing the redone version of Beast of Man on the band's Myspace, what the fuck is up with the guitar tone? This is the first time that the band's guitar tone has sounded so thin and weak when it's usually fucking awesome and I'm hoping that the rest of the album sounds better.

Political Rant Time!

2009-09-04T12:17:00.000-07:00

As I was browsing through the last.fm tags for Wolves in the Throne Room, I noticed that there are multiple tags labeling the band as communists, which I personally find ridiculous. These accusations most likely stem from the bands sympathies towards environmentalism and feminism.

Which brings me to my point, is it okay for a black metal band to hold left wing views or is black metal as an ideology closely aligned strongly with the far right?

I'm not alone with this concern since Dark Funeral and Summoning have taken a lot of crap from the underground for their hard line stance against NSBM. Given that those two bands in addition to WitTR bands are more aligned with the left, are they still black metal?

Arcturus may reunite?!?!?!?!?

2009-09-02T10:06:00.000-07:00

Read!

I think that I may have just jizzed a little.

And Dimmu are nothing without Hellhammer, Vortex and Mustis. Unless they can get Nagash, Nick Barker and Stian Aarstad back in the band and return to the Stormblast/EDT sound, then Dimmu is officially finished.

But seriously, Arcturus? OMFG! That band NEEDS to get back together.

Anaal Nathrakh make their first real video!

2009-09-02T03:40:00.000-07:00

The UK's loudest band* have finally come out with a music video. It's mostly Dave Hunt blindfolded and bearded but hey, this band finally came out with a promo video.

*No, not Spinal Tap, you retards.

Four Great Tours Coming Later This Year

2009-09-01T05:11:00.001-07:00

First Children of Bodom are coming later this month with The Black Dahlia Murder and Skeletonwitch which of course, I'm passing on since I've already seen two out of three bands but trust me when I say that CoB and BDM are both fantastic live.

* with The Black Dahlia Murder and Skeletonwitch
** support acts TBA
*** with Austrian Death Machine and Holy Grail

September 18 - Lupo's Heartbreak Hotel, Providence, RI **
September 19 - Starland Ballroom, Sayreville, NJ *
September 20 - Northern Lights, Clifton Park, NY *
September 22 - Theatre Capitole, Quebec City, QC *
September 23 - Metropolis, Montreal, QC *
September 25 - Elements Night Club, Kitchener, ON *
September 26 - Sound Academy, Toronto, ON *
September 27 - House of Blues, Chicago, IL *
September 28 - Epic, Minneapolis, MN *
September 30 - The Garrick Centre, Winnipeg, MB *
October 01 - Odeon Events Centre, Saskatoon, SK *
October 02 - MacEwan Hall Ballroom, Calgary, AB *
October 03 - Edmonton Events Centre, Edmonton, AB *
October 05 - Commodore Ballroom, Vancouver, BC *
October 06 - Showbox at the Market, Seattle, WA *
October 07 - Roseland Theatre, Portland, OR *
October 09 - Regency Center @ The Grand, San Francisco, CA *
October 10 - The Glass House, Pomona, CA *
October 11 - The Glass House, Pomona, CA ***
October 12 - Marquee Theatre, Phoenix, AZ *
October 14 - Pipeline Cafe, Honolulu, HI **

Then in November Hypocrisy are finally returning to North America after a strange, possibly UFO-related disappearance. I don't know how they returned and they personally have no memory of the event but it's fucking Hypocrisy in North America which is completely, utterly worth it. And they're touring with Blackguard who seem to have the perfect booking agent since they're getting on all of the right tours.

Nov. 06 - Jaxx - Springfield, VA (w/ SWASHBUCKLE)
Nov. 07 - Crocodile Rock - Allentown, PA (w/ SWASHBUCKLE)
Nov. 08 - Volume 11 - Raleigh, NC
Nov. 09 - The Masquerade - Atlanta, GA
Nov. 10 - Culture Room - Ft. Lauderdale, FL
Nov. 11 - AKA Lounge (part of the Anti*Pop Music Festival) - Orlando, FL
Nov. 13 - Meridian - Houston, TX
Nov. 14 - Emo's - Austin, TX
Nov. 15 - Ridglea Theatre- Dallas/Ft. Worth, TX
Nov. 17 - Galaxy Theatre - Santa Ana, CA
Nov. 18 - Key Club - Los Angeles, CA
Nov. 19 - DNA Lounge - San Francisco, CA
Nov. 20 - Hawthorne Theatre - Portland, OR
Nov. 21 - Studio Seven - Seattle, WA
Nov. 22 - Rickshaw - Vancouver, BC
Nov. 23 - Warehouse - Calgary, AB
Nov. 24 - Starlite - Edmonton, AB
Nov. 26 - The Zoo - Winnipeg, MB
Nov. 27 - The Rock - Minneapolis, MN
Nov. 28 - The Rave - Milwaukee, WI
Nov. 29 - House of Blues - Chicago, IL
Nov. 30 - Peabody's - Cleveland, OH
Dec. 01 - Opera House - Toronto, ON (w/ SWASHBUCKLE)
Dec. 02 - Imperial - Quebec City, QC (w/ SWASHBUCKLE)
Dec. 03 - Medley - Montreal, QC (w/ SWASHBUCKLE)
Dec. 04 - The Palladium - Worcester, MA (w/ SWASHBUCKLE )
Dec. 05 - Irving Plaza - New York, NY (w/ SWASHBUCKLE)

And ending this year in December, Marduk have finally gotten their visas and are touring with Nachtmystium and Mantic Ritual. (I give Nachtmystium five dates before they drop off the tour for whatever reason.) I'll probably go to this since I payed to see Marduk and tickets are only $15, making them even cheaper than The Haunted were earlier this year.

11/20/2009 The Palladium - Worcester, MA w/ Black Anvil
11/21/2009 Les Foufounes Electriques - Montreal, QC w/ Black Anvil
11/22/2009 Wreck Room - Toronto, ON w/ Black Anvil
11/23/2009 Sonar - Baltimore, MD
11/24/2009 The Masquerade - Atlanta, GA
11/25/2009 Brass Mug - Tampa, FL
11/28/2009 Red 7 - Austin, TX
11/29/2009 Ridglea Theater - Ft Worth, TX
11/30/2009 The Marquee - Tulsa, OK
12/02/2009 Launchpad - Albuquerque, NM
12/03/2009 The Sets - Tempe, AZ
12/04/2009 The Key Club - Hollywood, CA
12/05/2009 The Jumping Turtle - San Marcos, CA
12/06/2009 DNA Lounge - San Francisco, CA
12/07/2009 Satyricon - Portland, OR
12/08/2009 Studio Seven - Seattle, WA
12/10/2009 Cervantes Masterpiece Ballroom - Denver, CO
12/11/2009 Riot Room - Kansas City, MO
12/12/2009 Reggie's Rock Club - Chicago, IL
12/13/2009 Station 4 - St Paul, MN
12/14/2009 Blondie's - Detroit, MI
12/15/2009 Peabody's - Cleveland, OH
12/16/2009 Gramercy Theater - New York, NY w/ Black Anvil

And all this time, GWAR, Job for a Cowboy and The Red Chord are going to be touring for the rest of the year; starting now and continuing through December. It's not worth posting dates since I can't find one site that has the entire list of dates, but it's worth checking to see if they're coming to your town.

This band is now dead to me

2009-08-31T08:52:00.000-07:00

Dimmu Borgir haven't made a good NEW (not counting the re-recording of Stormblast) album since 2003. ISD was a horrible album that was in many ways SBD light. (I love how most Dimmu albums can be abbreviated.) Now the only three redeeming values that that album had are gone. Hellhammer was let go a while back when his (inferior) replacement drummer was hired permanently. Now Mustis and Vortex have both been fired. Given that Galder only played one lead on ISD (that was barely noticeable), Silenoz is now focusing on riffs that are more about crunch than atmosphere and Shagrath lacks any of the passion that he had in the late 90s to early 2000s, this band lost everything that they had going for them while retaining all of their negative aspects.

The story gets better. Silenoz, being the professional that he is, fired Mustis via a text message since he wasn't being credited for his contributions to previous albums and found that he was going to receive the same treatment on their new release that's currently in preproduction. So instead of giving him a songwriting credit, they just fired him with a text message that read, "goodbye."

And yet, it gets better, before Mustis issued a press release, he simply changed his Myspace status to "Betrayed" in an attempt to be just as professional as his former employers. Dimmu Borgir totally act like they are truly the biggest name in black metal. Most bands can learn a thing or two from their level of maturity.

I hope that everyone here knows that if you ever fire anybody, for any reason, the kvlt thing to do is text them with, "u r fired kthnxbye." It's apparently the standard for the music industry and it'll make people take you that much more seriously.

On a more serious note, Shagrath and Silenoz run the band, but really, they lost their magic and hopefully Hellhammer, Mustis and Vortex will more onto better pursuits. Hellhammer still has Mayhem and Winds, Vortx can finally make Lamented Souls the band that it deserves to be and Mustis... well, he's kind of fucked. Maybe he can write some classical music or something. He'd probably be good at that. kthnxbye.

Beauty

2009-08-29T14:53:00.000-07:00

Okay, a genre of music like heavy metal is usually anything but beautiful. It's ugly, harsh and dissonent but there are a few exceptions to the rule. I'm not talking about, "The hottest woman in metal," I'm talking about music that has the aesthetic of beauty. To understand what I mean, beauty is divided into both masculine and feminine catagories. Masculine beauty reminds me of the works of Picasso, feminine beauty is more similar to a Russian cathedral.

I'd argue that Opeth and Mastodon are beautiful in a masculine way, while Epica has a very feminine beauty. What I mean is that Mastodon has a very strong solid sound that still manages to pull the listener in, while Opeth makes very powerful music that oftentimes breaks into something soft but never leaves the aesthetics of strength, even at it's most vulnerable sounding. Both are examples of the masculine, despite their detail.

Epica and Kamelot come across as very feminine. Neither have very strong vocals, both are filled with nuance and both have a sound that even at it's hardest still appears fluid. It's a very detailed, feminine sound that lacks the strength and solidness of masculine aesthetics.

Dark Tranquillity is more androgynous. I hate using that term with regards to metal because it brings up images of all sorts of 1980s fashion victims but they seem to have both very masculine and feminine characteristics to them while subscribing to neither. Dark Tranquillity is, in a sense, the cock of Lady Gaga of metal. And that's part of what makes them so engaging. They seem to have a beauty to their music that transcends both male and female. So, anybody's thoughts?

Want a Seizure?

2009-08-26T07:56:00.000-07:00

Yeah, it's an old video but epilepsy inducing imagery will never get boring.

New Megadeth Song on Youtube

2009-08-25T11:49:00.000-07:00

After a British radio station played a Megadeth song, somebody thankfully recorded the stream and was kind enough to put it on Youtube. My God*, Endgame is going to blow UA out of the water. As much I loved UA, it just lacked that old school vibe that I desperately wanted from Megadeth, but it appears that Endgame is going to be even better.

The new song, 44 Minutes conjures up memories of both Peace Sells' riffs, Rust in Peace's solos and Countdown to Extinction's choruses. This song in and of itself has more metal than fucking Voltron. Yeah, it cuts out at the end but it's simply amazing and makes up for everything that sucked from Cryptic Writings through TSHF.

For those of you keeping track, this is the fourth leaked song with seven tracks that we still haven't heard yet. And given that there were a few leaked tracks off Lamb of God's excellent Wrath album, the songs off Endgame are probably a good indication of how this album is going to sound. I can't wait to lose $15 of my hard earned money on September 15.

Oh, and the four leaked Megadeth tracks are significantly better than all of Death Magnetic. Take that Lars.

*Tonatiuh

This shit is real

2009-08-25T01:27:00.000-07:00

\\\Maytag. A Sunn O))) tribute band that 's made not using instruments but by recording the sound of a refrigerator and then adding effects in post-production.

According to the last.fm page \\\Maytag came into existence when members of the Gamefaqs message boards decided got bored with creating topics claiming that their dad worked for Bungie and said that pink unicorns are going to be in the next Halo game* and instead came to the conclusion that Sunn O))) sounds like a broken fridge. Now regardless of my love for Sunn O))), I still laughed my ass off.

The best part of this is that \\\Maytag are not anywhere near as bad as you'd think that they are. It's borne from a dumb joke but it's also funny in an equally dumb way. I mean, they have a song title called, "Demons from Within (Your Fridge)." Tell me how that's not funny when it's mixed in with raw and necro production to give it that extra icy feel.

Oh, and they have a music video coming up that's supposedly a cover of a pop song. It's probably the worst idea involving anything musical since brokeNCYDE, but since when has quality ever deterred me from experimentation? And moreover, when has experimentation ever harmed me? (Other than the time when I tried my own low quality moonshine. The less said about that incident, the better.)

*My dad works for Bungie. And yes, pink unicorns are in the game. Trust me. I can't provide a source but I saw it when I went to his office after he picked me up from school and Master Chief fights pink unicorns. Ask me anything about the game and I can answer it. I'm only telling the truth if you're fourteen.

New Dillinger Album Details

2009-08-24T21:26:00.000-07:00

Option Paralysis will finish recording by October 31 and if the two samples posted are any indication, this record is going to sound a lot more like the first two DEP albums than Ire Works which is a very, very good thing.* Expect this early next year.

And it appears that the west coast is now joining in on the North American festival craze. Dillinger are going to play with Converge at Fuck Yeah Fest in LA. The festival is a charity being run to help fund California's state park after several budget cuts. Given that I'm a much bigger fan of state government than federal government and generally pro-environmental, you owe it to yourself to go there (and DEP and Converge together is always a good reason as well).

Anyway, it's great to see that the festivals are spreading westward. Hopefully, market for American festivals will rival that of the European ones. Now if only Gathering of the Juggalos wasn't in my home state...

*Unless you're a pussy who likes more traditional songs instead of the total mind rape that The Dillinger escape Plan is supposed to be.

Van Halen are awesome

2009-08-24T19:32:00.000-07:00

I just want you to know that 1. in the coming post-industrial economy it helps to know somebody with a stable income, sometimes it pays to dig up the past, good things do happen to those who wait, and Courage Wolf is always right. Oh, and listen to Van Halen:

Winger Completes Work on New Album. Pray for Foregiveness Since the World is About to End.

2009-08-23T22:01:00.000-07:00

People, these are the end times, WINGER is planning for a comeback record to be released in October. All that I cna say is, "oh fuck no." It's ban enough that they released an album back in 2006 which had a cover that was very much everything that I hate about post-9/11 America, intertwining militarism with a religious mission without any sort of irony or mockery.

Why is this band still allowed to exist? This band is perhaps the hair band that had the fewest balls in a genre where most of the men tried to look as androgynous as possible. Regardless of the fact that Kip Winger is a man with a vagina, you have to wonder who listens to this shit.

Gaahl Steps Down

2009-08-23T18:48:00.000-07:00

Wow, any and all anticipation that I had for God Seed is totally gone now since King has put the band "on hold." So King, are you going to approach Infernus and ask, "can I haz job back?" and expect him to not bitchslap you?

And why exactly did Gaahl do this? He built up so much hype for his new band, snubbed an old bandmate from Gorgoroth and now he's just walking away after building up a great linup featuring members of Satyricon and Enslaved? Is it just me or does the whole Gorgoroth trial now look like it was all for nothing?

Arkaea Sucked. Lando does not... and Neither does Tenet

2009-08-22T08:50:00.000-07:00

Much like Arkaea, I've been patiently awaiting Tenet's debut album and the fact that the former's first album was so unimaginably horrible made me truly fear the worst for Sovereign. Thankfully, this album from three ex-members of Strapping Young Lad and three west-coast thrash vets (Gene Hoglan counts as both. Then again, Gene Hoglan is the living embodiment of heavy metal so he counts as a lot of things) is far better than I thought that it would be.

One thing that I noticed is that even though I've never liked Exodus, Steve Souza doesn't sound nearly as annoying here as he did during his Exodus days (as in he's not annoying at all on Sovereign) which makes me believe that Zetro never sucked. Gary Holt just likes annoying as fuck vocalists. (Has anyone ever listened to Exodus because of the frontman? Really, they've never excelled in that regard.) Oh, and as far as Exodus is concerned, Zetro was not only the definitive Exodus frontman, he was also their best.

As can be expected from Gene Hoglan (Death, Unearth, Dark Angel, Strapping Young Lad, Old Man's Child, Dethklok, Testament), this album is fast. Then again, he's widely regarded as a virtuoso - and perhaps the greatest drummer alive today after Neil Peart - so it's a given that this album is going to be fast as hell with many complicated fills being played. Then again, Arkaea also had a world-class drum performance but Years in the Darkness was atrocious. What sets Sovereign apart would be both better musical ideas, better guitar work and the fact that Zetro doesn't do a poor imitation of Chester Bennington.

The best part about Tenet is that it doesn't sound like SYL, Exodus or Forbidden and is something new, fresh, and the sum of its parts rather than one member's influences. The solos are great, the riffs are great, even Zetro is great. Check this fucker out.

8/10

Buck Dich! Rammstein May Return to North America

2009-08-19T19:13:00.000-07:00

Metal Injection reports that Rammstien may return to North America. Holy fucking shit. Fire and a liquor spewing dildo, here I come!

Edit: While you're waiting, if you want to see an incredibly homoerotic metal show and live in the Chicago area, check out Deus Absconditus.

Alcohol

2009-08-19T04:54:00.000-07:00

It's the common opinion that beer is more metal than wine yet Samael had their own limited edition wine and Maynard James Keenan is a vintner. Does this make wine more metal than beer? I don't know. All that I know is that I'm more of a fan of my won custom made moonshine that uses Dasher's own special recipe.* Just remember, when the stove lust light turns blue, moonshine is safe to drink, always.

*recipe uses the following ingredients

Water
Cornmeal
Sugar
Yeast
Pressure Cooker
Copper Tube
Vessel
Charcoal
2 tablespoons lighter fluid
1/5 cup bleach
3 drops mercury
1/8 quart of gasoline

New Stuff by Converge

2009-08-18T15:14:00.000-07:00

The band who are responsible for the Massachusetts metlacore scene (and yes, that's a good think without the Mass scene, the record labels would have focused solely on the California scene and there is no way in hell that you can convince me that Unearth are anywhere near as bad as Atreyu, Eighteen Visions or Suicide Silence) has posted a new song online. It beckons you to listen to it since Converge is fucking awesome.

Ridiculous black metal pic of the week!

2009-08-14T23:01:00.000-07:00

I haven't been apathetic about this blog. it's quite the opposite. You'll see by November...

Maynard James Keenan is the Wikipedia Article of the Day

2009-08-14T20:00:00.001-07:00

I'm not providing a link since it'll change by tomorrow. Check it out now while you still have your proof.

Dave Mustaine's Coffee Company Calls it Quits

2009-08-14T13:43:00.000-07:00

Blabbermouth reports that the Dave Mustaine's coffee line has officially ended. Those seeking to have a bit of metal with their coffee should consider spiking their morning cup with mercury.

Another Horrible Tour Skips Chicago!

2009-08-13T00:10:00.002-07:00

August Burns Red, Impending Doom and The Acacia Strain aren't coming to my hometown. Right now I'm feeling very lucky. I had to sit through The Acacia Strain once before and while the stage banter was indeed cool (Vincent Bennett attacked the myspacecore crowd), I'm not a fan of them at all. And August Burns Red are fucking sellouts. Fuck this tour.

September 05th Frenchtown, NJ - Revalation Generation Festival
September 17th Denver, CO - Cerventes
September 18th Salt Lake City, UT - In The Venue
September 19th Boise, ID - The Venue
September 20th Portland, OR - Hawthorne Theater
September 21st Seattle, WA - El Corazon
September 23rd Orangevale, CA - Club Retro
September 25th Rio Rancho, CA - The Ozone
September 26th Lubbock, TX - Jake's Sports Cafe
September 27th San Antonio, TX - White Rabbit
September 28th McAllen, TX - The Incubator
September 30th New Orleans, LA - The High Ground
October 01st Birmingham, AL - Matthews Bar & Grill
October 02nd Nashville, TN - Rockettown
October 03rd Atlanta, GA - The Masquerade
October 04th St Petersburg, FL - State Theater
October 05th Jacksonville, FL - Edge 17
October 07th Charlotte, NC - Amos' Southend
October 08th Charleston, SC - Music Farm
October 09th Richmond, VA - The National
October 10th Allentown, PA - Crocodile Rock
October 11th Columbus, OH - Skully's
October 12th Toronto, ON - Phoenix Concert Theater
October 13th Montreal QC - Club Soda
October 14th Rochester, NY - Water Street Music Hall
October 15th Albany, NY - Northern Lights
October 16th Worcester, MA - The Palladium (Downstairs)
October 17th Syracuse, NY - Lost Horizon
October 18th New York, NY - The Fillmore NY @ Irving Plaza

What the fuck is brocore?

2009-08-10T22:46:00.000-07:00

I've checked out one of the bands commonly tagged as brocore and it sounds like deathcore to me. What's the difference?

To all the Haters, "Fuck you! Get the Fuck Out!" Winds of Plague rules

2009-08-10T20:16:00.000-07:00

Based upon one of Albert Einstien's ideas, Winds of Plague release a concept album about humanity destroying itself. Then not realizing the futility of war, engaging in MEDIEVAL MELEE FUCKING COMBAT!!!!!!! If that doesn't sound metal to you, then you should go back to your Avenged Sevenfold CDs and stop reading this blog.

The Great Stone War marks the debut of both drummer Art Cruz and keyboardist/backing vocalist Kristen Randall who take this album to places that the old lineup could never visit. In addition to Kristen's keyboard solos, Art's skill behind the kid gives TGSW a much faster tempo than Decimate the Weak had.

Improved technical skills aside, the band demonstrates their improved songwriting by recognizing what made DtW such an uneven listen (I'm mostly talking about Reloaded) and focusing on what worked while upping the intensity of the band's sound. It hits harder, plays faster and simply outplays than the band's peers. Consider this a deathcore album that's finally worth buying and isn't by The Red Chord.

9/10

Crimes Against Music Part IV: Damien Storm

2009-08-10T18:57:00.000-07:00

Oh fuck no. Apparently this guy has been at it since 1993 and doesn't know when to stop torturing us. Yes, B-horror is totally metal. Look no further than White Zombie and Cannibal Corpse for confirmation of that. But this is by far one of the worst one-man bands ever devised.

Imagine a good but not great and fairly unimaginative guitarist playing neanderthal drum beats and performing the absolute most annoying vocals imaginable. Falsettos went out fo style in around 1992, but Damien has dedicated his career to bringing them back. I wouldn't have a problem if he was performing an adequate King Diamond impersonation but he's not. In fact, he sounds like a five-year-old girl.

And the half-assed "horror themes" are simply terrible and the phallic Halloween masks that he wears would even make Slipknot wince. I'm all for cheesy monster flicks like The Monolith Monsters or Shark Attack 3: Megalodon, but this guy seems to have a persona that's less Godzilla and more Torgo.

As far as self-promotion goes. His website is very, very 1996. As in, it looks like a simple Geocities page. The sad part is that there graphic designers aren't hard to find but it done'st look like there's a single one who'll take poor Damien seriously.

Unfortunately, this guy's CDs are going to be rerealeased along with a live DVD on Phil Anselmo's own record label. I get that Phil has always bee a total junkie but Phil must have been really, really, really high to sign this guy/five-year-old girl.

If you don't believe me that his voice is truly that awful, you can here it for yourself by veiwing the video below (not recommended. This is more annoying than Soulja Boy.)

How in the World Does This Not Suck?

2009-08-09T00:34:00.001-07:00

Here Comes the Kraken is a deathcore band from Mexico. (The old Mexico, not that new watered down version of Mexico.) No, they don't suck. They just suck for only touring Mexico on their North American tour. They simply have the absolute best drum sound that I've ever heard in my life and much more varied guitarwork than most deathcore bands. These guys are now added to the shortlist (four bands and counting) of deathcore that doesn't suck.

Interview with ex-Light This City Drummer Ben Murray

2009-08-05T00:54:00.000-07:00

Even though I'm far, far away from San Francisco, thanks to the magic of the internet, I was able to interview the former drummer of the band Light This City, who will go down as the second most underrated band of the decade.

Anyway, he now runs the punk label Creator-Destructor Records and has his own punk band HeartSounds which is totally worth checking out and who's first album debuts on August 25.

Dasher: Heartsounds is a pretty significant departure from the sound of Light This City. It's like when Free Dominguez switched from industrial to lo-fi indie after Kidneythieves broke up. Were you at all concerned about how your new band would be received by old fans?

Ben Murray: Haha, I don’t understand that reference, but you are definitely correct. Laura and I were a little bit concerned, but then again we didn’t really give a shit. We never cared what people thought with Light This City, and we certainly don’t care with Heartsounds. We understand that LTC fans aren’t necessarily going to enjoy the type of punk rock that we are playing now, but that is what Laura and I grew up on, and it is what we are enjoying playing now, so fuck it! However, I will say that the response has been really positive so far which is a nice surprise, and makes us feel great about the record.

D: I noticed that what set light this City Apart from other melodeath bands was the sense of fun that your music brought forth without destroying your integrity like Soilwork and their numerous clones. Was it your intent to create a unique and fun sounding melodeath band to get away from the way that metal has been such a dark genre since the 90s?

B: That’s awesome that you heard the “fun” qualities of our brand of metal. I definitely think a lot of that came from my writing, as I wrote a lot of the more melodic riffs, etc, but the whole band definitely had a youthful innocence that I think appealed to a lot of our fans. We always wanted to maintain a fun image and not take ourselves incredibly seriously. We would always hang out with our fans and become friends with a lot of them. We never forgot about the fact that we were just kids playing music and having a great time, and I think that shone through on our records. We actually enjoyed rehearsing and hanging out together. I don’t know too many bands that would constantly hang out with each other on and off tour, but LTC definitely did. All of that contributes to the sort of youthfulness that you hear.

D: I really liked the guitar tone that Light This City Had. Instead of sounding like a jackhammer like 25757096709670678034679 other bands, it sounded like confetti was going to explode out of it. What tuning and effects pedals did LTC use?

B: We didn’t use any effects pedals, but were tuned to Drop C for our records. The tones varied from record to record, but Zack Ohren (who engineered our albums) had a big role in that, and helped us dial in an awesome tone. I know we used Engl heads on “Facing the Thousand”, but I couldn’t even tell you what we used on “Stormchaser”! Towards the end of our career, the guitar playing in the band had stepped up so much that I was able to relax a bit and settle into the role of just the drummer more so than before where I was writing most of the music.

D: Can I get some insight into what caused the breakup of Light This City and is there any possibility for a reunion in the coming years?

B: Everything that Laura and I stated in the press release/blog about the breakup is 100% true, but maybe I can shed some more light on the situation. Her and I basically decided together that we didn’t get the same satisfaction out of the band that we had in previous years. That innocence we loved had dwindled, mostly due to bullshit scene politics and the idea of relying on the band as our sole career option. We were in thousands of dollars of debt, and the tours were getting kind of stale to us. We felt incredibly disconnected musically with the bands we were sharing the stages with, even though we made amazing and lasting friendships with most of them. Laura and I would always listen to punk music in the van, and we have never stopped enjoying that style of music since we were really young, and we thought it was time to go back to school and finish it this time, as well as start a new path musically. It just felt like the right thing to do, and I usually try to listen to my instincts. We felt it was unfair to the other guys to drag on when our hearts weren’t in it 100%. I would say we are much happier now and in a better place. That being said, the past 6 years of Light This City, since we started the band when I was 14 and she was 15 have been so rewarding and mindblowing. We accomplished things we never would have dreamed of!

D: I'm surprised that Heartsounds sounds as good as it does. I'm already a fan. Was there initially any concern about learning to play a new genre?

B: There wasn’t any learning involved really, aside from kind of learning how to sing. Laura was so used to screaming that it took some adjustment and a lot of practice, and I had never done anything vocally at all. In that sense, we worked our asses off for the last year to make sure this record would sound awesome. Musically, I wrote all of the songs and it actually came really easily and smoothly given that I grew up on this kind of music and constantly still listen to it. Some of favorite bands of all time are Strung Out, Bad Religion, etc. I love the songwriting involved with those bands on a completely different level than with metal. There are so many different elements involved, and it was really refreshing to approach a different type of music after 6 years of melodic death metal.

D: You also switched from drums to guitar with Heartsounds. How do you like the change in instrument?

B: I always have played guitar, and wrote a majority of the music with Light This City. It wasn’t like I was learning a new instrument, but taking on the role of guitar player/vocalist has actually been really great, and I didn’t realize how much of a break I needed from drumming. However, recording the drums on this Heartsounds record was also really fun and I had a great time doing it.

D: Who are your earliest musical influences and favorite artists of all time?

B: Man, that’s a tough question, and I could probably ramble on for 10 pages trying to answer it. My earliest musical influences were all of the Fat Wreck Chords/Epitaph punk bands that came out in the 90’s. Bands like Propagandhi, Strung Out, Bad Religion, etc were heavy influences, even in Light This City. I have listened to those kinds of bands since I was about 12 or 13, but nowadays I listen to so many bands, I couldn’t even tell you! Lately I’ve been really into Nick Cave and the Bad Seeds, and really enjoying the new records by Amorphis, Behemoth, Spinnerette, Darkest Hour, American Steel, etc. Tons of different kinds of stuff. Some other favorite bands are Nada Surf, In Flames, Bruce Springsteen and the E Street Band, A Wilhelm Scream, etc. It’s all really different, but it all has a large role in the sound of Heartsounds as well as Light This City.

D: Light This City was able to collaborate with Trevor Strnad of The Black Dahlia Murder and Chuck Billy of Testament. How did you manage to get them onto your albums and are you still friends with any of the bands that you met on tour?

B: Laura and I had known Trevor from BDM for a few years, ever since they came to the Bay Area for the first time. He has always been cool and we actually stay in touch pretty often. He recommends me the best music, and I usually come to him when I am feeling musically exhausted. He usually shows me something amazing. As for Chuck, that was just something setup by Prosthetic, but it was definitely surreal, and a total honor to have him on the record. I think he’s got the best voice in metal, and he made our record that much better. In terms of bands we met on tour, we stay in contact with most of them, and come hang out when they tour through SF. We love seeing those dudes, and there is nothing quite like the friendships you gain while on tour. Those seem to have a lasting impact.

D: What's it like to run your own label given the state of the industry and do you have any distribution deals with any retail chains?

B: It’s really fun and relaxing running Creator-Destructor, and I do it at my own pace. I only put out what I really enjoy, and if I also enjoy the people I am working with. I don’t have distro deals with retail chains as of yet because I don’t sell nearly enough records to want them to want to work with me, heh. However, it is just a fun project for me to get my music out there, as well as the bands I really enjoy.

D: What are your best tour memories?

B: Dude, there are way too many to name. Meeting Vinnie Paul at his strip club in Dallas was awesome, Tour pranks on Horse the Band were hilarious, touring with All That Remains was insane, Playing with Death Angel and Soilent Green every night… We just had so many good times. Even some of those long drives were pretty fun, listening to Howard Stern and laughing our asses off, or rocking out to good tunes. You know how it goes…

D: Now that you're running your own label, it has to be nice to be able to book your own tours to go along with your schedule. If you've signed any other bands, are you involved in the booking of their tours?

B: I try not to get involved in booking tours for friends or myself being that I did that a ton with LTC when I was younger, and it is painstakingly irritating. I expect bands on the label to book tours themselves if they want it bad enough, because in this day and age it isn’t that hard with the advantage of myspace, etc. Between school and work, as well as Heartsounds and my own musical path, I wouldn’t even have the time to do it.

D: Much like the black metal bands Emperor and Mayhem, it appears that when Until We Surrender is released on August 25th, you'll be sharing an artist title in the iTunes music store. It appears that the artist title that you'll be sharing is with a late 90/early 2000s band that sounds like the soundtrack to a medieval fantasy film. Do you have any concerns about punk fans thinking that you mislead them or angry Lord of the Rings nerds thinking that you sold out and should go back to "ye olde lute musick?”

B: Haha, no concerns whatsoever. Emperor and Mayhem rule though, That is pretty badass.

3 Great Tours for the Autumn

2009-08-03T15:30:00.000-07:00

http://www.metalinjection.net/tour-dates/mastodon-dethklok-converge-high-fire-announce-tour

First God Dethroned, then Gojira, now Mastodon is touring with support from Dethklok, Converge, and High on Fire.

And all of three of these tours hit Chicago within two weeks. Decision, decisions...

I'll break this down

Gojira
Pros: Safe bet since I don't have any work on Fridays due to two classes.

Cons: Might get there late since I have a Friday afternoon class. It's over in Mokena which is absolute bumblefuck and takes two hours to drive to.

God Dethroned

Pros: On a weekend. It's only half as far away as Mokena.

Cons: The Rave sucks for any # of reasons. It's in a shitty area of Milwaukee.

Mastodon

Pros: On a weekend. In downtown Chicago. Great opening acts.

Cons: Co$t. It's at the Aragon.

This is going to be a tough one...

It's Saturday again...

2009-08-01T15:17:00.000-07:00

You know what time it is!

Two NEW Kittie Songs on Myspace

2009-08-01T14:33:00.000-07:00

I'll be the first person to admit that I really, really liked Kittie's last album. Yes, their first two albums were nu metal and yes, their third was a metalcore album made simply to latch onto the newest trend at the time but on Funeral for Yesterday, the band finally grew up and released a hell of an album.

If the two new songs are any indication of what the new album will sound like, then this album is probably going to be a much heavier album than the more melodic FFY while still retaining many of the clean vocals of previous works.

It hits on September 15, the same day as the new Megadeth, Black Dahlia Murder, Shadows Fall, Dying Fetus, and Living Colour. 9/15/09 will foerever bne known as the International Day of Mëtäl.

Yes, Horrible Tour Not Coming to Illinois

2009-07-28T12:30:00.000-07:00

I've been spared! Trivium and Whitechapel are not coming to my town!

9/11 – Crazy Donkey – Long Island, NY
9/13 – Town Ballroom – Buffalo, NY
9/15 – Bogarts – Cincinatti, OH
9/17 – Cowboys Bar – Guelph, ON
9/18 – Orbit Room – Grand Rapids, MI
9/19 – The Rave – Milwaukee, WI
9/20 - The Venue – Fargo, ND
9/21 – Electric Park Ballroom – Waterloo, IA
9/23 – Murray Theater – Salt Lake City, UT
9/24 – Wilma Theater – Missoula, MT
9/25 – Wonder Ballroom – Portland, OR
9/26 – Knitting Factory – Spokane, WA
9/28 – The Senator Theater – Chico, CA
9/29 – The Catalyst – Santa Cruz, CA
10/1 – Glasshouse – Pomona, CA
10/2 – Ventura Theater – Ventura, CA
10/3 – House of Blues – Las Vegas, NV
10/7 – Concrete Street Amphitheater - Corpus Christi, TX
10/9 – Music Farm – Charleston, SC
10/10 – Jesters Pub – Fayetteville, NC
10/11 – Orange Peel – Asheville, NC

One Thing That I Realized

2009-07-27T21:30:00.000-07:00

There will be a massive year-end list of the 100 best METAL albums of the decade and as I'm composing it, I'm realizing how many bands that I'm adding that have female members. It's strange taht this is happening since metal has always been seen as a macho genre in the 80s or 90s seeing a woman on stage for anything other than sex appeal and novelty would have been unthinkable. The climate is so incredibly different now with regards to gender. And this wasn't something that I even noticed since I thought that the list was going to be a complete sausagefest.

Before anyone asks, Nightwish isn't on my list. They suck.

Motograter Reunite. Suck Waves Threaten To Destroy World

2009-07-27T17:15:00.001-07:00

http://www.metalsucks.net/2009/07/27/motorgrater-is-certainly-grating/#comment-267260

Motograter is back. Oh fuck no. I can't believe that I used to listen to this shit.

The only thing that could cancel out the amount of suck waves generated by this reunion would be a reunion with Emperor, After Forever, Light This City and The Nemesis Theory all getting together to have an unprecedented reunion tour to end all reunion tours. Only then will the awesome released into the atmosphere be enough to cancel out the suck generated by this tour.

This reunion tour idea is necessary although highly dangerous to our world since without a significant amount of suck that this will cancel out, the awesome waves generated by this reunion will ressurrect the FUCKING DINOSAURS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

On the plus side, Faith No More are back together and are planning to tour North America later this year.

I'll spare you the pain of seeing a motograter video only so that I can torture you later with Part 4 of Crimes Against Music. (Which is even worse then the first three parts.) Here's some Emperor, who in a just world would be touring instead of Motograter:

The Most Pathetic Thing Ever

2009-07-27T03:47:00.000-07:00

I wish I had a picture of this but I forgot to take a pic while I was there. It's the absolute most contemptable way to rip off an artist.

What I'm referring to is pirating a shirt design... with sharpie. So first you don't buy a band's CDs, now you're not buying the shirts since you can make a poor imitation of your own? Thankfully, I've only seen it once and it was a Suicide Silence fan who couldn't stop making out with his girlfriend. This was months ago, but I still can't get that image of a pirated T-shirt out of my head. Then again, I've only met three Suicide Silence fans who have any respectable taste in music so I guess that it reflects upon their fanbase.

So please, it may be cheaper, but don't pirate T-shirts by looking up the shirts online and then sharpieing the words onto a white shirt. It's pathetic and really makes you stand out as the cheap idiot that you are. Anyway, here's a video of the guys from Enslaved pirating a sheep. Now excuse me while I raid my neighbor's fridge before he wakes up.

The Special Edition to End All Special Editions

2009-07-26T19:01:00.000-07:00

http://www.cmdistro.com/Item/Winds_Of_Plague_-_-The_Great_Stone_War-_CD_+_Exclusive_T-shirt_+_Bandana_+_Autographed_Photo/PKG000022

Winds of Plague are now releasing a limited edition of their new album that has a T-Shirt, a bandana, and an autographed picture of the band.* This is simply the best limited edition that I've ever seen in my life which makes me very, very pissed that I'm unemployed right now.

And yes, I actually do like this band, and they're not nearly as annoying as their detractors make them seem. And this is coming from a guy who hates 95% of the deathcore he hears, including Between the Buried and Me.

*Despite rumors, the Kristan Randall blow-up doll will NOT be included in the special edition due to a factory shortage. I'm as angry about this as you are.

Metal-Archives Bans for Stupid Reasons

2009-07-25T23:07:00.001-07:00

I absolutely love metal-archives.net but today I found that they banned me for the following: making a thread about which album you like but never became catchy to you.

Then again, I can tel that their mods are overeager to ban people since EVERYBODY who's not a mod has 200 of fewer posts at all times. And that people, is the reason why those forums went downhill when they used to be a goldmine for upcoming tour info. Post your stories about asshole mods below.

Slayer and Megadeth tour Austrailia and New Zealand. Skip America Again.

2009-07-25T23:05:00.000-07:00

First the Canada tour. Now the greatest tour ever is back, and I'm still missing it. Dates are as Follows:

October 5 - Logan Campbell Centre - Auckland, New Zealand
October 7 - Riverstage - Brisbane, Australia
October 8 - Hordern Pavilion - Sydney, Australia
October 9 - Festival Hall - Melbourne, Australia
October 11 - Thebarton Theatre - Adelaide, Australia
October 13 - Challenge Stadium - Perth, Australia

If the music industry is serious about piracy..

2009-07-25T11:44:00.000-07:00

Then they should get rid of any blog that posts a link to rapidshare blogs hosted on this site. Not allowing for ad revenue trough Google isn't enough. These blogs are owned by Blogger and Blogger has the power to shut them down. Hell, they're legally obligated to. The, "I can't find this legally so I need to pirate" argument is hogwash. Here's a mail-order distro site for you:

http://www.theomegaorder.com/

If you pirate and like, then you owe the artist for what you just previewed... Just a thought.

Expecting a LOT of angry flame comments from thirteen-year-old kids engaged in our culture of instant gratification.

I guess that I come from a twenty-one-year-old mindset whereas today's middle schoolers who don't remember the Metallica v. Napster issue and piracy has always been the norm for them. Heading out to a store is seen as begin too slow and mail order for obscure artists is unthinkable. Have I used mail order in the last 12 months? Yes. And my collection of limited editions is better for it. Someday you'll grow up and realize that you actually have to earn a living.

If you're under 15, then this is probably you.

Oh, and for the record, the industry should adopt an industry model where files are free to download and then lock after two weeks, forcing a payment. If you recognize MP3 as a crappy file format, then you can purchase a CD. If you really like the CD, then buy the limited edition. Like that, then purchase a shirt with it. Hell, you can even get the Cd with an ultra-limited vinyl of a live performance.

Artists should turn to asking for donations before they enter the studio. Anyone who donates, get the CD for free. Donate more than $30 and get a free VIP pass when they tour your town.

And yes, this is Trent Reznor's business model for the Ghosts album combined with Peter Dolving's panhandling and a little bit of Radiohead's In Rainbows distro thrown in. Then again, Nine Inch Nails, The Haunted and Radiohead are totally, utterly right and the industry should look at their business plan.

Oh, and let's not forget The Pixies selling their own bootlegs. That was genius. I'm now going to get some actual exercise, something that the spoiled middle-school vampires of today have never heard of. That's right kids, I care about my cardiovascular system and my carpal tunnel has actually been IMPROVING over the past two years. See you later fuckers!

Edit: I renounce this post... because cmdistro and cdbaby are bound to have anything that you can't find on Omage Order. Online Distro is the SHIT! Now use it!

Ridiculous black metal pic of the week!

2009-07-24T21:49:00.001-07:00

Most Metal Internet Meme

2009-07-24T19:22:00.000-07:00

Insanity Wolf ist krieg

September 15, 2009 will be the most metal day ever!

2009-07-24T18:04:00.000-07:00

New releases form Kittie, Dying Fetus, Living Colour, Black Dahlia Murder, Shadows Fall, and FUCKING MEGADETH all releasing new albums on the same day.

You know which one of those bands you owe your allegiance to. (Hint: It starts with an M)

Demi Lovato ist Krieg

2009-07-24T13:31:00.000-07:00

Abbath photoshops improve ALL pictures

The new Issue of Rolling Stone came in today and reports that Disney Channel star Demi Lovato is a huge fan of extreme metal. Further investigation (i.e. looking right at Metalsucks five minutes later and getting lucky) revealed that she likes bands like Job for a Cowboy and Dimmu Borgir. This is the kind of news that requires a hastily done photoshop job with Abbath's facepaint. Need Proof:

http://www.metalsucks.net/2009/07/24/demi-lovato-loves-metal/#comments

http://www.mtv.com/news/articles/1593780/20080828/lovato__demi.jhtml

That's right, a sixteen-year-old teen icon is into JFaC. And she also said to MTV that she'd like to be a guest vocalist for a metal band. If this doen'st imspire complete and utter dread in your heart that she might guest on the upcoming Dark Tranquillity and Triptykon albums (since Niklas Sundin and Tom Warrior love female session vocalists) then you simply need to GTFO.

...On the other hand, I'd love to see her guest on some brutal death metal or norsecore band's album. Just imagine her popping up on an Origin or Marduk album. That would be total ROFLage! I wouldn't call it good, but I never said that I didn't occasionally listen to the most awful crap that I can find in an ironic/masochistic way.

Blabbermouth Makes a Post About KISS

2009-07-24T12:48:00.000-07:00

http://www.roadrunnerrecords.com/blabbermouth.net/news.aspx?mode=Article&newsitemID=124157

OMFG! Blabbermouth reported on a story about KISS! This is fucking real! Wow, this is the most breaking news EVER!!!!!!!!!!!1

Vampire Freaks Interview with Nergal of Behemoth

2009-07-24T12:10:00.000-07:00

http://vampirefreaks.com/playvideo/?v=105607

In case you didn't know, I'm a huge fan of Evangelion. Watch this to hear Nergal's thoughts about downloading.

Dark Tranquillity have new DVD release date!

2009-07-24T11:18:00.000-07:00

http://www.roadrunnerrecords.com/blabbermouth.net/news.aspx?mode=Article&newsitemID=124133

DT's previous DVD featured a rather apathetic audience so hopefully this one will be better. And as far as their new studio album is concerned, it's probably going to rock since this is one band who has NEVER let me down.

Crimes Aganst Music Pt. 3

2009-07-23T22:06:00.000-07:00

Oh god, it's happening again. He's subjecting us to more shitty music.

Imagine Brokencyde. Now imagine the very, very few things that were good about that band being taken away and replaced with a solo "musician." This people, is your new nightmare. This is Dot Dot Curve :)

Dot Dot Curve

He apparently records his vocals through a webcam mic which I can tell from the heavy distortion during the screams. Even so, I still prefer the high webcam distortion to his horrible attempts at whiny rapping. Oh, and the vocoder effects are often present not only when he's singing but when he's rapping as well. He sure is talented...

And don't let me get started on the lyrics. Nothing is all that memorable because it's a series of horrible moments all strung together. I remember fragments of his lyrics and they all make me cringe yet somehow I know that there is a crunkcore fan out there who takes to heart everything that Dot Dot Curve :) (a.k.a. Spanky although Eminem already beat him to the two pseudonym thing almost a decade earlier) says to heart and that, my friends is why AMERICA IS DOOMED!!!!!!!!!!!

Anyway, since he's a description of an emoticon followed by the emoticon itself, here are some suggested names for crunkcore bands

Dot Dot Reverse Curve :(

Silly Face :P

My Lips are sealed :X

ROFL XD

Ima firin mah lazor :U

I don't even know what the fuck this is, it just looks cool XU

And let's not forget...

Winston Churchill!
_██_
(ಠ_ృ)

Here's a video (this guy has damaged the reputation of Metalica more than St. Anger ever could)

Funny Because it's True

2009-07-23T21:39:00.000-07:00

yourscenesucks.com

I go to an art school (formerly creative writing, now game design) and I can tell you that I see all of these guys IRL all the fucking time. I especially like the "br00tal kid" since the deathcore crowd truly, honestly doesn't like get real metal. Like the one guy that I met earlier this year who I told to check out Carcass before they played at The Pearl Room and he responded that they were just, "okay" despite wearing Whitechapel shirts all the time.

I'm sure that we'll soon see the red-fro stoner, short-haired hoodie wearer (complete with wallet chain), rainbow-haired indie pop girl, the flaming gay guy who isn't gay but just trying to out people since he's just making an ironic statement, and of course who can forget the long-haired metal blogger guy (with camo shorts, metal T-shirt, and black running shoes; in the winter it's knaki cargo pants and a beat up hand-me-down flannel shirt over said metal shirt). That latter one is so fucking annoying.

My least favorite type of hipster. I can tell that he's an elitist opinionated bastard.

¡Viva la suffocación!

2009-07-23T14:12:00.000-07:00

Just like Testament used in 1990, you too can hire mysterious cloaked figures for the low cosst of OVER $9000. Just dial 1-800-clo-aks1

The correct word is asfixia, and I'm fully aware that this is broken Spanish. Don't like it? Fuck you. Oh, and Blood Oath is the best record that Suffocation have made since Pierced from Within.

I'm personally not a fan of the brutal death metal subgenre since bands like Devourment and Dying Fetus simply bore me (and are responsible for deathcore) although Suffocation has always had something different about them and by that I mean they understand the importance atmosphere instead of treating brutal death metal as a race to see who can tune their guitars the lowest.

Whereas a band like Whitechapel plays a breakdown that sounds like nothing more than chugging on some power chords, a Suffocation breakdown feels ominous, like something is sneaking up behind you, truly capturing the b-horror aesthetics of death metal in ways that few other bands seem to be capable of understanding. This is the way that breakdowns should be incorporated into death metal and most deathcore bands could learn a thing of two from this band.

As far as technical skill goes, Terrance Hobbes proves why he's one of the best metal guitarists to have ever lived. His riffs are technically without being overly wanky while his solos are complex in composition without being overly shreddy. Then again, Suffocation are the progenitors of tech metal, so it's naturel that they'd have a lot more substance to them than Dragonfore could ever have. Not that Dragonfore is crap by any... oh who am I kidding, Dragonfore is fucking garbage. Anybody up looking for something tech that isn't polluted by studio magic or some death meta with breakdowns should look no further.

8/10

Crimes Aganst Music Pt. 2

2009-07-23T01:46:00.000-07:00

A second band that is somehow utterly popular despite sucking unfathomable amounts of jizz (in this quite quite literally) is Millionaires. Remember how concerned parents everywhere were worried about how Bratz dolls were going to be horrible role models for girls, making them into promiscuous and materialistic women when they grew up? it tunrs out that for once, against the very laws of the universe, the overprotective parents of America were finally, actually right.

These are three young women who's lives revolve around getting drunk until they puke, being excessively snobbish upper-middle class suburban girls raised with silver spoons in their mouths, and having sex with anything possessing a penis. Now before the "OMG SLUTZ!" effect kicks in, keep in mind that only one of them is hot and all three of them are the shallow, selfish, deceptively cruel, materialistic, rich, overly judgemental type that is so far away from what I or any man with class is attracted to that any comments about how their promiscuity might potentially be a turn on will have their comments deleted.

Anyway, I'll admit that I like beer (I personally like Smithwicks, Sapporo, and Labatt) and I like sex but I'm not a fan of hooking up with the first person that I see when I'm horny, nor do I ever drink more than two beers at a time and this type of accessible pop music that appeals to middle school girls simply sends the wrong message to today's youth. People should actually know their sexual partners and learn to moderate their drinking because we live in a world where 80% of people have herpes simplex (with 70% of those infected not knowing that they're infected) and one third of all pregnancies are unintended.

http://www.news-medical.net/news/2007/05/10/24981.aspx

http://www.coloradohfriends.com/html/stats.html

Now unintended pregnancy is a serious issue. Thankfully, I'll never get pregnant but I've heard that women who have abortions suffer from severe lifelong depression as an after-effect. Living in a sex-crazed society combined with Christianity being the most dominant religion (and one that teaches that condoms are the spawn of Satan) has made this an unavoidable problem.

As far as alcoholism is concerned, the CDC reports that in 2006 addiction to alcohol caused 22,073 deaths. Promotion of excessive drinking will only lead to more cases of addiction and thus more annual deaths.

http://www.cdc.gov/nchs/fastats/alcohol.htm

Now why was this in any way relevant? Because it proves, once and for all, that this band will be be the death of America. If you truly love your country, you will do all that you can to ensure that this band's tours are sabotaged in one way or another (using legal means). If worst comes to worst, please pay this bnad to NOT go play at venues or pay fans to skip the show.

And it's bands like this that ensure that I will never have children since there are simply far too many negative massages directed at a younger audience today. Seriously, does anybody over the age of fifteen listen to music this poppy?

If you really want to hear how bad this band is, be my guest (caution: May destroy America):

Crimes Aganst Music Pt. 1

2009-07-23T01:34:00.001-07:00

You know those times that something so perfectly karmic happens that you begin to ask yourself if there truly is a perfectly just omnipotent God? Then you realize that suck thoughts are utter hogwash and go back to worshipping the much more badass Aztec gods and sacrifice some random fucker in pennance for my blasphemy. Anyway, there is something very, very telling about this picture:
Two of the members of brokeNCYDE are balding since they try to look like they're fifteen despite being more in the 22-24 range. Yes people, this is what happens to scene "kids" once they reach adulthood. Most people who were scene in high school give up the "lifestyle" upon maturing, women's haircuts and all making brokeNCYDE a prime exhibit in schadenfreude. Well, they already were, they're just more so now.

And judging by the fan pics on thier Myspace, their core audience is fourteen-year-old girls, making brokeNCYDE's fashion sense the mark of the obvious pedophile. Think about it, a bunch of guys with lyrics like, "Oh baby girl I see your photos on myspace. You look so beautiful. So what I gotta do to take you to my place so you can be my booty girl." playing to a bunch of underage girls while pretty much openly stating that they started the band to get laid and dressing like the guys that your teenage daughter likes. Seriously, brokeNCYDE are like that creepy hermit neighbor with the beard that your parents didn't want you talking to and one day was escorted along with his computer into an FBI van.

I could get into how their music also sucks, but odds are that if you aren't a fourteen-year-old girl then you're probably not going to listen to them and your life will be better off for it, but in case you're wondering, they're what happens when you take crunk rap and add screamo and occasional death metal elements to it. Their lack of talent best exemplified by the fact that they have three vocalists, only one of which sings and that's with autotune effects, the other guy both raps and screams, then they also have their DJ do the grunts. In other words, these guys all collectively sound like one mildly talented individual. Correction, one mildy talented individual, a light and smoke machine technician who somehow counts as an actual member and not a roadie and a mascot in a pig suit that was probably stolen form their old high school's football team.

All of their lyrics are about using drugs and alcohol to get women intoxicated so that they're easy to take advantage of combined with lines like, "You make my peepee hard." Now I enjoy bands with songs like Fucked with a Knife and Skin her Alive. The difference being that if members of Cannibal Corpse and Dismember actually did what they sang about, they would quickly be put in prison and the lyrics come directly from horror movies whereas brokeNCYDE have a real sincerity to their lyrics that combined with the fact that date rape is a far more difficult crime to prove as well as much more widespread than mutilating your ex, makes them that much more creepy than any gore-drenched death metal band could ever hope to be. Or if you're one of those people who thinks that black metal started to suck when bands stopped burning churches, know that the brokeNCYDE is currently slipping underage girls roofies today, as in right now! With real roofies!

And the members of the band can't seem to take a hint that they suck and the way that they conduct themselves in interviews makes me think that they are easily perpetually stoned or suffering from minor mental retardation. The reality is probably a combination of both.

See what I mean?

Now if you truly want to subject yourself to this, I'll give it to you, but don't say that I didn't warn you. In the meantime, I'm ging to hammer a screwdriver into my scrotum. That will probably be more fun.

Santa! No, it's John Cambell!!!

2009-07-21T15:51:00.000-07:00

When you're 36 and look 55 due to your hair, that's when it's time to pull out the razor and shave the fucking beard. That or get a job as a mall Santa.

In case you're wondering, Per Moller Jensen shaved his beard when he went gray to avoid the dreaded "Metal Santa" Phenomenon.

I can't believe that I actually waited over a year for this

2009-07-21T13:39:00.000-07:00

Warning: Cool Album Art Does Not Make for a Good Album

This Was the Real Cover. Record Labels Rejected It

I'll first let it be known that I'm a huge Ray Herrera fan. The man is easily one of the best drummers alive today and that's what makes Arkaea's Years in the Darkness so absolutely painful to listen to. He simply deserves better than this. Especially now given that Dino has stolen his real band away from him and left Ray with this sub-par side project.

This album is mostly comprised of half-finished Fear Factory songs that seem to lack so much of what made Fear Factory such a good band to begin with. It's just missing something that made Fear factory so memorable. The other half of the album tries to come up with more original ideas... and fails. There simply isn't much to like about this album aside from the drumming which is far from Herrera's best.

Maybe this wouldn't be as intolerable if Jon Howard's singing voice didn't sound exactly like CHester Bennington of Linkin Park. And for the record, he can sing in a different voice as heard in the track Lucid Dreams, making me wonder why he chooses to sound like the singer of a band that nobody will admit to have once liked. He should either stick to his non-Chester voice or just scream his head off since he's still a good screamer, yet his whiny Linkin Park impersonation just sounds bad and in 2009, it has the same effect as somebody trying to sound like Jim Gillette in 1997 and for Jon Howard to not realize how cringe-inducing his voice sounds- while at the same time having better vocal options- is simply unforgivable.

A few cool riffs aside, this album blows and ruined every expectation that I had. And I really, truly wanted this band to rule so that a fat asshole could be put in his place. Avoid at all costs.

4/10

In Soviet Russia, band petition you!

2009-07-21T02:55:00.000-07:00

Russia jokes aside, there's a petition online to get Arkona to play on next year's North American Paganfest. There are only 18 signatures at this point in time. Sign this shit so that we don't get another party folk band like Korpiklanni playing next year.

http://www.petitionspot.com/petitions/Arkonapaganfest2010

Epica, DAAth and Blackguard to tour early next year

2009-07-21T01:34:00.000-07:00

http://www.roadrunnerrecords.com/blabbermouth.net/news.aspx?mode=Article&newsitemID=123899

If this news isn't giving you the same facial expression as Simone Simons of Epica, then you simply aren't human

Not a bad band on this bill. Epica completely rules and Blackguard are probably the best Bodom-clone around.

Dates are as follows:
Jan. 26 - Jaxx - West Springfield, VA
Jan. 27 - Trocadero Theater - Philadelphia, PA
Jan. 29 - The Blender Theatre at Gramercy - New York, NY
Jan. 30 - The Palladium - Worcester, MA
Jan. 31 - Club Soda - Montreal, Quebec - CANADA
Feb. 01 - MOD Club - Toronto, Ontario - CANADA
Feb. 03 - Peabody's - Cleveland, OH
Feb. 04 - The Pearl Room - Mokena IL
Feb. 05 - The Rave - Milwaukee, VI
Feb. 06 - Station 4 - St. Paul, MN
Feb. 08 - Royal Albert Arms - Winnipeg, Manitoba - CANADA
Feb. 10 - Starlite Room - Edmonton, Alberta - CANADA
Feb. 11 - Warehouse - Calgary, Alberta - CANADA
Feb. 13 - Sugar Nightclub - Victoria, B.C. - CANADA
Feb. 14 - El Corazon - Seattle, WA
Feb. 15 - Hawthorne Theater - Portland, OR
Feb. 17 - Slim's - San Francisco, CA
Feb. 18 - Key Club - West Hollywood, CA
Feb. 19 - U.B.'s Bar - Mesa, AZ
Feb. 20 - The Rock - Tucson - Tucson, AZ
Feb. 22 - Bluebird Theater - Denver, CO
Feb. 23 - Marquee - Tulsa, OK
Feb. 24 - Scout Bar - Houston, TX
Feb. 25 - Scout Bar - San Antonio, TX
Feb. 27 - Volume 11 - Raleigh, NC
Feb. 28 - The Masquerade - Atlanta, GA

Is anyone seriously NOT psyched for this?

"We Couldn't Agree on a Title," the new album by Killswitch Engage

2009-07-20T20:20:00.000-07:00

Jaguar 1: Doesn't is suck how anyone who got a new PC will be stuck with us as the artwork for the band's first album?
Jaguar 2: Who gives a crap? We look fucking sweet!

I have a love/hate relationship with Killswitch Engage. On one hand, the band is responsible for killing metalcore by introducing clean choruses into songs. At the same time, they aren't anywhere nearly as annoying as their imitators.

Anyway, Killswitch Engage's second self-titled album (I have no idea what Adam D. was thinking when he did this) doesn't really rock the boat, picking up right where As Daylight Dies left off and continuing their musical progression towards a yet more melodic sound, not that this is a bad thing since Howard Jones has always had an impressive signing voice. If your idea of metalcore is Converge, then this album probably isn't for you. For those who long for the days when Iron Maiden and Dio were the the face of metal, this is the album that you've been waiting for with melodic riffs and vocal hooks abound without ever descending into power metal cheesiness, making the album accessible without overdoing it, like Rhapsody of Fire does. (I fully apologize to Rhapsody of Fire fans. I'm deeply sorry that your favorite band sucks.)

Even thoguh the album doesn't change much about KSE's sound and Brendan O'Brien's production doesn't fit the band's sound as well as their self-produced albums have, it's still a good listen, but one for the fans only.

7/10

Worst New Trend: Neck Tats

2009-07-20T03:23:00.000-07:00

In four years, the longest lasting legacy of deathcore will be the neck tattoo if only because it will be the only remnant of the mostly crap genre left. By the time that this happens, any nostalgia will be canceled out by the fact that many of these guys will be fired from their day jobs the second that neck tats are no longer trendy. Let's have a look at the tomorrow's burnt-out losers:
Oli Sykes of Bring Me the Horizon proves that neck tats are as sexy as non-consensual gonlden showers.

Mitch Lucker needs to, "Wake up! Wake up!" and realize that his neck tats suck as much as his band.

Maria Brink butchered Iron Maiden's Run to the Hills with her awful, "singing." Now she butchers her neck.

Let me state this warning to anyone who wants a neck tattoo. The only guy who can get away with this is Kerry King because Slayer sells out arenas across the world and when not touring, he's a successful self-employed snake breeder. You are most likely not Kerry King. Don't get a fucking neck tattoo unless you want to be homeless when this trend finally and thankfully dies.

Project Hate is Worthy of Love

2009-07-19T15:13:00.000-07:00

Look Ma! No head!

The Project Hate often came across as a band who had all of the elements of a great band but something always felt missing about them that I could never quite put my finger on. Yes, their sound was groundbreaking and they had an impressive lineup but I'm not sure what was missing. Whatever it was, they found it on The Lustrate Process.

The Lustrate Process features the highest number of quality riffs this side of Time Does Not Heal while always maintaining a grunching groove. The song lengths being every bit as long as Dream Theater's while never becoming boring or losing my attention, making TLP similar to Immortal's At the Heart of Winter if it had catchy sung choruses.

As far as the production goes, everything is audible, particularly the bass which sounds like heavy machinery pounding away through your speakers without taking any of the power away from the guitars or vocals, making this one of the best sounding records that I've heard in a long time. Those looking for a kickass death metal record need look no further.

9/10

Job for a Cowboy Finally Delivers With Ruination

2009-07-18T21:31:00.000-07:00

Get me a moist towelette! I stuck my finger up my ass and I can't feel my legs!

I used to be one of the Job for a Cowboy haters ever since I heard the song Entombment of a Machine. I hated the pig squeals, I hated the scene-cuts, and I hated the influence that it had on the numerous JfaC clones that made Doom seem like Mozart.

...then I saw them live. They were opening for Megadeth and I surely wasn't there to see the progenitors of the deathcore blight that is currently plaguing metal. I never expected to become a convert. Then again, I've never seen a band win over a crowd that hostile that fast. The fact that I was shouting, "Freebird " at them after their first song and then joining in one of the two circle pits by the end of their set made me realize how much these guys absolutely rule. And I could tell that I wasn't alone given that the crowd was silent for the first half of their set and then cheering them on for the second.

Now that I've gotten that out of the way, I've always felt that JfaC never lived up to their potential. Yes, they are great live and yes, they can play their instruments, but Doom was horrible and Genesis just felt like the band was still learning how how to write songs but it was enough of a step in the right direction that I felt like they were still worth keeping an eye on. Then Ravi left and was replaced with Al Glassman of Despised Icon. Fears that JfaC might return to their deathcore sound due to his addition made me aprehensive about listening to Ruination but thankfully, Jonny Davy- being the sole remaining member- is smart enough to know that the deathcore trend will one day die and wisely chose to make Ruination the album that Genesis tried to be.

The solos are longer, the riffs more technical, the screams form Doom are brought back, and John Rice's debut as drummer isn't the blastfest that I expected due to the tempos being far more varied than they were on Genesis. At the same time, the band still continues everything that was good about Genesis, allowing this to still be a far more accessible album than something that Origin would put out but never as accessible as Bolt Thrower (this is by death metal standards, normal people will still die upon contact with Ruination). It's not a classing by any means but it's the first Job for a Cowboy album that's worth purchasing and it stays an enjoyable listen throughout. Make sure to keep an eye on their career and check them out live if you get the chance but don't expect Ruination to blow your mind.

8/10